After a great game, Jack goes out to celebrate with the Falconers, and for the first time in years he gets properly drunk. So drunk, in fact, that he lets the big secret spill – he’s gay, he has a boyfriend. All the guys are fine with it, and say they’d support publicly if/when he wanted to come out- “No, no, I can’t. I can’t be the first one, fuck, it’d be. god. no it’d be too much” and at this point he’s starting to get properly anxious, so they back down and say they’ll support him whatever, and that they’re proud to be his team-mates.
And then there’s Guy, who was sitting off to one side during all of this, not saying much. He doesn’t generally get involved in group conversations, especially big ones like this. But he does listen.
He goes home that night, and has a quiet talk. It doesn’t last long – they both agree. It feels like the right reason to do it.
Within the week, the Falconers media accounts post pictures of Guy and his husband. Guy is smiling. This is almost more newsworthy than the husband.
The next day, before practice, Jack comes up to Guy and tries to say something, anything, but after a few awkward Canadian seconds Guy just grabs him in a big bear hug, and they both pretend Jack isn’t crying into his shoulder.
They pull apart, and Guy looks Jack in the eyes and says “We’ve got your back.”
Category: Uncategorized
so uh. tomorrow (or today, depending on when ur reading this post) is the 15th anniversary of september eleventh, and i just want to tell my fellow muslims that its ok, its ok, it’s not our fault, i love you, i love you, its ok, i love you.
also if u r not muslim can u reblog this? last year i really needed a post like this, so if you could spread it i would really appreciate it!!
au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
#IM LAUGHIN #in the middle of it achilles throws a fit #”MAN IVE BEEN DJING FOR 3 HOURS YOU TOLD ME ID ONLY HAVE TO DO IT FOR LIKE AN HOUR” #”achilles cmon do menelaus a solid your djing is totally putting helen in the mood” #”FUCK YOU TOO AG” #he mopes upstairs to make out with his boyfriend #in the middle of a really quick’n’dirty handie someone bursts in the room all #”THIS IS AN EMERGENCY WE’RE OUT OF VODKA” #achilles is like FUCK OFF ASSHOLES I CANT PLAY BEER PONG BUT AS SOON AS YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GO ON A BOOZE RUN ITS ME. OF COURSE #patroclus is like ”well you are the fastest driver” ”I DONT CARE IM NOT GOING” #patroclus ”FINE then i’ll take your car dont be a baby” #5 minutes after patroclus is out the door achilles is like ”shit i fucked up” and catches a taxi to the liquor store #to meet up with patroclus #they drink the vodka and have sex in achilles’ car and forget all about the partyon the way home odysseus gets into a very minor fender bender that’s more like a fender bumper with some shit driver who is almost DEFINITELY high. and it’s all this guy’s fault but he won’t stop screaming about how he’s gonna fucking sue and odysseus just wants to go the fuck home and the guy goes “I’M FILING THE POLICE REPORT WHO ARE YOU” and odysseus is just so done that he says “nobody” and drives the fuck off and this completely tripping guy ends up screaming to the police at the side of the road at like three in the morning “NOBODY CRASHED INTO MY CAR!!!!!”
#I’M FUCKING SCREAMING #THIS WOULD BE SO GOOD THO #ODYSSEUS’ GF PENELOPE IS STUCK AT ANOTHER PARTY #GETTING HIT ON BY DOUCHES FROM ANOTHER FRAT #BUT ODYSSEUS HAS TO LIKE FIND A NEW CAR AND TRIES TO BORROW ONE FROM THIS CHICK WHO GIVES HIM SOME FUCKIN LACED POT OR SOMETHING BC HE FEELS LIKE HE’S BEEN THERE FOREVER #AND MEANWHILE PENELOPE HAS BEEN FORCED TO SAY THAT SHE’LL GO HOME WITH WHOEVER CAN BEAT HER AT BEERPONG #ONLY SHE’S FUCKIN LEGENDARY #SUCKS TO SUCK THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BEAT HER IS ODYSSEUS #BUT HE HAS TO BE ON THE DL BC THIS FRAT HATES HIS GUTS #AND HE BEATS HER #AND SHE KNOWS IT’S HIM
This was wild from start to finish.
Someone do this as a web series
where a superhero has to deal with a supervillain who thinks they’re their best friend
“we’re enemies – last week you tried to rob a bank”
“i got us a groupon for that new thai restaurant”
“you stole it!”
“it’s really the savings that are the crime”
‘here’s a handmade friendship bracelet for you!’
‘you didn’t make that, the girl scout you stole that from is crying right over there!’
‘i also got you thin mints!’
“this box is half empty…”
“half the calories!”
‘and here’s a latte to wash the cookies down!’
‘this to-go cup doesn’t have either of our names on it.’
‘no one seemed to respond in the first 5 seconds after the barista called the name out, so i took it to make sure it wouldn’t go to waste!’
“why are you doing this while robbing a bank? who brings a latte to a heist?”
“well i thought you’d be thirsty from trying to stop criminals.”
“you’re the one doing the crime!”
“hey, i’m an artist. this isn’t even the only bank being robbed by me right now.”
‘speaking of art, i’ve already returned the original wharhol’s you stole back to the museum.’
‘but those were your birthday present!’
‘they were stolen and i don’t even like pop art!’
‘so what you’re saying is something art nouveau for Hanukkah then?’
“we aren’t FRIENDS. you’re EVIL! you’re breaking the law right now!”
“is this because i didn’t come to your slam poetry night? i was in jail”
“i am aware. i put you there. AND YOU WEREN’T INVITED!”
Me: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*
My Brain, banging pots and pans together: YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC
Me: *makes huge mistake that will directly affect my future horribly*
My Brain, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: ….acknowledged
The person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dashboard.
the greatest moments from Phineas and Ferb:
- BOW CHICKA BOW WOW, THAT’S WHAT MY BABY SAYS
- ”I call it the Buoyancy Operated Aquatic Transporter, or Bo-At for short.”
- ”I’m not crying, I’m just sweating through my eyes”
- when they all shrunk themselves and Baljeet got stuck on top of the lamp with the dead flies
- “My name is Doof, and you’ll do what I say, whoop whoop!”
- Candace’s voice when she had an allergic reaction to wild parsnips
- “Ah, Perry The Platypus, your timing is incredible. And by incredible, I mean comPLETELY CREDIBLE!!!”
- Buford’s cupid costume
- ”I never leave home without my velvet rope!” “Where do you keep that?” “I’ll never tell.”
- ”So, do I know romance or what?” “What.” “I said, do I know romanc–” “I heard you”
- Phineas’s dAMN OBLIVIOUSNESS. LIKE, ISABELLA MAKES IT SO CLEAR THAT SHE LIKES HIM BUT THE BOY CAN’T TAKE A HINT
- Marty the rabbit boy and his musical blender
- ”We small band of brothers…and girl from across the street”
- ”What did you think? A (insert name of object) was just going to fall out of the sky?” *said object falls out of the sky*
- STAR WARS CROSSOVER
- MARVEL CROSSOVER
- when Doofenshmirtz gets glue all over his hands and they get stuck to records, and Perry uses the body control helmet to make Doof create what’s arguably the greatest song ever
- Running from love in a bear suit
- that one time Alex Hirsch guest starred as a talking juice box
- “Paulllll Bunyan’s! Where the food is good (but not too good, eh?)”
- “Mom! Phineas and Ferb made me!” “I have some stretch marks that would suggest otherwise.”
- Baljeet and Buford’s
bromance- the episode when they got the band back together. Just…that episode in its entirety.
- “Hit it Carl!” “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” *Carl pulls lever anyway*
- when Isabella out-cuted the Meaps with her own natural cuteness
- “It’s a scientific fact!”
- “I’m you from the future!” “Wait, I am not Indian in the future?”
- “I feel reasonably sure it’s over this time. No, wait, he’s up AGAIIIIN”
- when Perry bit Doofenshmirtz’s finger and Phineas says “Perry, no! We do not bite the elderly!”
- Ferb’s adorable crush on Vanessa
- when Baljeet accidentally takes a rock and roll summer class and gets mad because it’s not graded, and performs one hell of a song
- Planty the Potted Plant
- “GET ON THE TRIKE!!!”
- Carl’s “Dr. Coconut” dance
- Tuff Shoo Laysizz
- “TREES ARE MADE OF WOOD”
- O.W.C.A. Secret Headquarters (pay no attention to this sign)
- “My watermelon!”
- the giant floating baby head
- Lots of me
- when Doof got zapped with the ugly-inator and nothing changed
- when Monogram kept laughing about Doofenshmirtz being abbreviated as Doof
I have seen all of five episodes from this show. Maybe.
This is a odd show.
Why do my nostrils whisper to meeeee
“thwart me, perry the platypus”
This show was the ultimate shitpost but damn it was the best
“I’m living in crazy-town. And Phineas and Ferb are the town council.”
Excerpt from one of the several Check, Please! fics I am working on.
This one’s an AU, one of the “Jack went into the NHL at 18 and Bitty has some unrelated career” variety, of which there are many.
—
Shitty Knight (that was going to take some getting used to) was waiting outside the locker room when Jack emerged. With him was a shorter man, slender and blond, wearing a blue t-shirt and the shortest red shorts Jack had ever seen on an adult. He had sunglasses perched on his head and was deep in conversation with Knight. Must be an intern.
As Jack drew nearer, they both turned toward him. Jack almost stopped walking. The blond man was armed; he had a hip holster clipped to the waistband of his miniscule red shorts.
“Um – hello,” Jack said. He was trying not to stare at this tiny, armed – okay, the word his brain kept suggesting was ‘twink,’ but that seemed uncharitable so he resisted it. This tiny armed person. He focused on Knight, who would surely explain.
“Jack. Good skate?”
“Awful.”
“Yeah, I coulda predicted that. Jack, this is Eric Bittle. He’ll be heading up your security detail.”
Jack could not keep the look of incredulity off his face. Bittle seemed totally unsurprised by his gobsmacked expression. “Go ahead, get it out of your system,” he said, his voice a smooth, Southern-accented tenor.
“I’m sorry, but – really?”
Knight also looked like he’d had this conversation more than once before. “To paraphrase Shakespeare, though he be but little, he is fierce.”
“Midsummer Nights’ Dream,” Jack said.
“Mr. Bittle is my best agent, Jack. He may not look like a bodyguard, but he is quick and he’s a crack shot.”
“If you say so, Knight, but…” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Okay, I’m not usually this much of an asshole, but this is my life we’re talking about, and you – I’m sure you’re good at your job, but you look like I could tip you over with two fingers.”
Bittle calmly took the sunglasses off his head and handed them to Knight. “Try it.”
Jack spluttered a little. “Look, I’m not going to…”
“Bless your heart, this isn’t my first time at the bake-off, Mr. Zimmermann. I know how this goes. Nobody buys it until I show them, so go ahead. Try it. And don’t hold back.”
I’m not asking for a full on queer romantic subplot or anything.
Just, like, give me a scene where Ryan Reynolds compliments some dude’s physique and then turns to stare directly into the camera and mouth the words “yes homo.”
Nish Kumar, NZ International Comedy Gala 2016
Nish Kumar is brilliant, one of the best satirical comedians working today. I was lucky enough to catch him doing a monologue for the Now Show, in which he delivered this truth bomb:
“They say a rising tide lifts all boats, which is true – IF YOU HAVE A BOAT.”
