nerdisma:

I sat in the chair, and, one by one, they cut it off. I was like, ‘Oh no. What have I done? And they told me, ‘I want you to have the mind-frame of Charlize Theron in ‘Mad Max.” And we did this sort of split-screen of her and me, and the resemblance was amazing! I thought, ‘Wow, that’s such an amazing way to put it, you know?’ It was the best decision I’ve ever, ever made.

ozimms:

jewishnursey:

jewishnursey:

I just got emotional about the idea of Shitty being all “you don’t understand prejudice because you’re white and a man” toward Holster one day, and my boy Adam Bitkholtz ripping him a new one about the intersectionalities of biphobia, queerphobia, and antisemitism, and just Shitty being completely shook.

Like Shitty was studying something at the library for one of his women’s studies classes and he starts talking about it at the table, and Holster tries to offer some of his own opinions when Shitty shuts him down with that whole ‘you don’t know prejudice" bs and Holster straight up lectures Shitty.

Like a complete 20 min long rant in the middle of the library. And when someone tells them to be quiet, Adam “Too Much” Birkholtz calls him a waspy, straight bitch before storming out of the room in a fury.

Holster makes Shitty read up on Scott Fried as an apology and Shitty sends him a 2,000 word essay MLA format about the duality of being queer and Jewish in America.

Idk about you but I’m still crying at the thought.

Ok but this has me thinking:

Shitty learns the most about social justice and oppression from his friends.

The Gender and Women’s Study program is supposed to be “the tits” according to Shitty, but from the perspective of a privileged White Boy, that doesn’t really say much to me.

Having taken courses at my own university in feminism and women’s studies, they are mostly taught by white cishet men who don’t have any real life experience in the things they teach.

So like he starts waxing poetic about the textbook versions of feminism and intersectionality and all that jazz

And the boys just lay into him.

Like Bitty starts reclaiming some slurs that used to be used against him, and Shitty tells him “you can’t say that” or something like that and bitty just raises an eyebrow at him.

And shit like this just keeps on happening.

He says something ignorant about race to Ransom.

He talks about how great a movie where a white actor plays an Asian character looks and Lardo and Chowder give him a side eye.

Like give me problematique Shitty who learns by making mistakes and having his friends smack that shit outta him.

He has written dozens of apology essays just for his friends.

They keep them in a scrapbook.

Shitty graduates, but the scrapbook stays. One day a taddie says something ignorant, gets one hell of a smackdown, and writes an essay.

It happens enough times that eventually it’s just a known consequence. Pet names in public? Sin Bin donation time. Fuck up your social justice? Submit your essay to the Shitty Knight Essay Scrapbook.

showsonface:

THE CROSSOVER NOBODY ASKED FOR: WTNV + OMGCP

It is possible you will see hockey players at the ice rink. Do not approach them. Do not approach the ice rink.

Would you rather have a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home? Or 1000 roaches?

Bitty: “Kent Parson. You don’t do anything except bring unacceptably dry scones to NHL meetings and take grammatically disastrous minutes on your shifts as meeting secretary. GET IT TOGETHER, KENT!”

Annie’s Coffee: Devour your own empty heart.

Ransom: “Angels are not real, and we are not allowed to know about their existence or hierarchical structure.”

Bitty, upon meeting Jack: “A new man came into the haus today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful cheekbones? Why his perfect and beautiful ass?” 

“… And now, the weather.” *BEYONCE BLASTING THROUGH THE HAUS SPEAKERS*

(inspired partly by this post by @cardamoms but mostly by the insanity that is hiatus)

“i cant read any of his tweets but he’s beautiful”

audiaphilios:

holsomhockey:

au where bitty thirst follows jack on twitter but can’t understand any of his tweets from sight alone because they’re in french

Jack is just this gorgeous French Canadian hockey god who apparently has a twitter because his sponsors, god bless ‘em quite sincerely, require that he puts in some brand representation on social media. His sponsors are Under Armor, a fitness machine company, and some protein powder company, which means most of the photos on Jack’s twitter are of him wearing tight clothes, working out, or standing in a kitchen. Failing those, he’s on the ice.

Bitty has ascended.

Of course, these are occasionally interspersed with the most amazing softbro aesthetic shots that this guy apparently just…takes…around town? While traveling? Bitty can occasionally recognize city names, but Google Translate is useless for most of this stuff, and he is not sure he even cares. This boy…this boy!

Keep reading

marauders4evr:

“Minerva, you don’t have children…”

When James Potter was caught out of bed, pacing, wringing his hands, because his father was away on a mission (fight me), she had wrapped an arm around him and had escorted him into her office, whereupon she had given him tea and a biscuit, distracting him with talk of Quidditch.

“You don’t have children…”

She was one of the few people (outside the Marauders) who could see right through Sirius’ mask and when she saw him receive the envelope that contained a tiny piece of tapestry, she marched him into her office and told him that quite frankly, she was proud of him for having the strength to leave that horrid house, and that now he could show his true potential and “No, Mister B-Sirius, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about ending up in Azkaban because you’re not like them.”

“You don’t have children…”

Before there was a stag, a dog, and a rat, there was a cat, bravely entering the Shrieking Shack to make sure that Remus Lupin was all right. She stayed with him until dawn and sent him chocolate for a week thereafter.

“You don’t have children…”

She knew that Peter Pettigrew was going to cry before he did. She was trained in seeing the signs. And sure enough, he burst into tears, telling her that he might as well be a Squib. And she gave him a biscuit (he took two) before firmly telling him that he had the makings of a great wizard and he had loyal friends to boot.

“You don’t have children…”

She saw the Dark Mark on Regulus Black’s arm. She saw the fear in his eyes. And though he wasn’t one of her own, she still caught him in the corridor and told him that Sirius had spent the morning bragging about how quickly Regulus had captured the Snitch. Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. It was a record. He interrupted her class at least seven times to talk about it. That’s how proud he was. And there was no mistaking the sparkle in Regulus’ eye, the skip in his step as he walked away.

“You don’t have children…”

She held Lily’s hand as Sirius and Remus fretted over a passed-out James. And with a scream, a push, and a cry, a new baby entered the world. Lily held him first, of course. And then he was passed to her, to hold close. She was the first one to mention that he had Lily’s eyes.

“You don’t have children…”

She protested, loudly, when he was placed with his aunt and uncle. She kept an eye on him at the schoolyard, using a bit of magic here and there to help him escape the bullies. She sent him his first broom. She cried when he caught the Snitch and again when he lay in the Hospital Wing. She did everything within her power to protect him. From jinxed brooms. From an escaped murderer. From a corrupted government. She watched over him for years. She screamed, louder than anyone, when she saw his dead body. And when the battle was over, she was the first to reach him, tears falling down her face. 

“You don’t have children…”

She was there for James’ birth, for Albus’ birth (”Really, Potter, Albus?”) and for Lily’s birth. She came to Sunday brunch and she came to tea. She sent presents during Christmas and birthdays. She knew everyone’s favorite book, color, and food.

“You don’t have children…”

She was always there for him. She always would be.

“You don’t have children…”

She had dozens of children.

Including one very ungrateful son.

sacredcreatures:

caitlin-farmer:

cardamoms:

girl scouts knocking on the haus door to sell cookies and shitty answering the door (thankfully clothed) and torn between saying 

  • “heck yeah ill give you my entire tuition to get me some samoas” 
  • “your organization is so amazing and superior to boy scouts i hope you lil dudes know that.  like.  pro lgbt and supporting young girls its great” 
  • “i want to buy your cookies but i dont want bitty to think i dont appreciate his baked goods im sorry” 
  • “jesus what are you doing on a street thats entirely frathouses filled with gross jocks and stoners, that is both a spectacular business plan and a deep-set flaw in whoever is supposed to be watching over and protecting you kids.  where’s your scout leader.  i have some firm words for them”

…and that’s how Shitty accidentally became a den mother/scout leader

The other local girl scout leaders don’t quite know what to do with him, but hey, his girl scout group always gets the district a medal for how many cookies they sell (hockey boys + girl scout cookies = a terrific business plan) even if their badges all seem to be for things like “learning about the gender binary” and “marching in a protest” and “smashing the patriarchy”

(Nursey guest-teaches a unit on PoC poetry. Bitty does one on cooking. Lardo does one on mixed media. Dex does one on cars/basic auto repair. Ransom does one on spreadsheets. And at each of the team’s home games, there is a small but fierce collection of girls scouts with homemade signs cheering them on)

#**caramel delites #this addition is absolutely essential #can u imagine the systematic reign of terror these girls with excel proficiency & microecon lessons from holster & the ncaa market cornered#honestly between their army of hockey dads and lardo they just. would roll over the competition? 

#and if jack zimmermann knows anything it’s how to lead a team to the win #and then jack in the nhl is a HUGE girl scouts of america advocate #and everyone’s like um????? #and jack is demurely proud to support them and points to his good friend b. knight #and shitty (‘mr. crappy’) keeps up his duties while he’s at harvard law #and he’s just like ‘look at my troop look at these girls any one of them could take over the world. i’m just bankrolling the revolution.’

#i think i should have spelled it ‘troupe’ but whatever #(because obviously he verses his scouts in current events and legal issues. he firmly believes at least three of them will be in congress) #(he thinks jessie is gunning for supreme court justice tbh) #(he’s so fucking proud) (via sadquebecois)

mysticalmondfee:

wlwlardo:

diamoric-lardo:

So we all know our favorite chatterbox Eric Bittle has ADHD right? A common symptom of this (and one I’m currently struggling a lot with) is memory problems! Bitty’s friends used to tease him a little for always telling the same stories (Junior, we *know* that Beyonce had a baby) over and over again. But Jack!! Jack loves it!

Jack finds it so calming and reassuring to hear Bitty retelling old family stories (I swear to you, Jack, that poor cashier girl couldn’t have been older than 19 and she was quaking like a baby bird the way that creep was looking at her. Good thing my MooMaw stepped in when she did. I witnessed a murder that day, a metaphorical one, mind, but still) or recounting memories, including the ones he was there for (and then, sweetheart, remember what Shitty said? I near died of laughter and embarrassment). 

And sometimes Bitty will stop in the middle of a tale, “Shit, Jack, you’ve heard this before, why didn’t you stop me? I know it’s annoying as hell.” But Jack just smiles, “I love hearing you talk Bits, go on, tell me what happened next. The Jam story is one of my favorites you know.”

i love this! i always feel so horrible like i’m losing my mind everytime i forget that i’ve told somebody something so many times but i love this so much!

I feel like this is because jack is autistic and finds comfort in the repetition and the consistency