On the months my research team and I were allowed to live on Earth and observe their habitat I noted the following about human young:

gothfirefaerie:

tsfennec:

thededfa:

– human young will turn anything into a weapon to mock battle their peers, broom sticks, straws, even their food

– when in large groups human young will display games of mock hunts against each other. The two most common being “tag” where one young will try to catch the other young acting as prey, and “mob” where all of the young will try to catch a single young who acts as the prey. This suggests an instinctive ability for both pack and solo hunting

– human young will often hone their stalking and hunting skills by hiding or attempting to sneak up on others and pouncing with loud sounds meant to intimidate and frighten. This is considered amusing for the attacker and victim  

– adult humans will often mock attack their young with their hands or objects to train the young to protect their vital areas and avoid injury. The young find this amusing and will quickly learn to train each other in this manner

– young humans will often attack and attach themselves to an older human’s legs, arms, or back, hanging on despite being dragged or carried while the adult human walks away. Both humans seems to find the experience entertaining 

– young humans are extremely territorial and will attempt to drive off others from food, toys, and areas they have claimed as theirs with physical and verbal attacks. Fortunately, most adult humans actively try to train this behavior out, insisting the young come to an agreement or share resources and territory. 

– young humans constantly search for new territory, dens, and resources. They will climb trees, shelving, anything they can reach. They will climb under and behind things. If there are no suitable hiding areas they will construct them out of blankets and cushions or any other available item. 

– young humans display a strong pack instinct, quickly forming social groups and defending their group against other groups. Often they will split their own group in order to mock battle each other in contests

– HUMAN YOUNG WILL BITE IF DISTRESSED OR ANGRY AND EMIT LOUD NOISES THAT CALL MATURE HUMANS TO AID THEM

– human young will beg for domesticated carnivores as companions, and if gifted with one will pack bond with it to an extreme point.

– human young will carry a toy and try to protect and nurture it as if the toy was their own young

– human young require constant stimulation in the form of games or information. They will constantly question things and can spend extraordinary amounts of time asking “why”, often while poking the subject in question

– human young will try to eat anything at least once. Anything. If it will fit into their mouth they will attempt to eat it. If it will not fit into their mouth they will lick it. 

-human young will voluntarily deprive themselves of oxygen to the point of unconsciousness in an attempt to trigger protective instincts in older humans so they get their way

– human young display great interest in mimicry, often dressing up as different professions, species, and objects. They also display great skill in mimicking the calls and body language of other species. 
      *Example: one human young had me quite concerned there was another Treawalbil in distress and I searched for quite some time before I discovered that the young was mimicking a Treawalbil distress trill with complete accuracy. 
     *Second Example: Human young have begun to wear wear “hats” with artificial crests similar to a Treawalbil and some have begun painting colorful patterns to their arms in imitation of our camouflage. 

– human young communicate constantly and spread information quickly not only among their own social group but other social groups as well.
    *Example: The human young who mimicked a Treawalbil distress trill taught their social group and soon I was surrounded by human young calling out in distress. This caused the Treawalbil researchers much anxiety so the adult humans suggested teaching the young other calls. The human young learned enough for basic communication at an astonishing rate, but then other social groups we had not taught began using the same calls as well. Even adult humans began using the calls to communicate with us without translators. 

Young humans will gift beings and creatures they believe to be in their social group with handmade objects, interesting specimens they have collected, or food. Strangely enough, a being does not have to be human in order to belong to a human’s social group. 

@scarvenartist – I feel like you’d get a kick out of this, somehow. ^^

@space-australians

do yourself a favor and read “Oh God, Not Again!” by Sarah1281

susiephone:

  • it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters
  • basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact
  • (the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesn’t really matter)
  • harry decides upon 3 goals:
    • fuck up as much shit as possible
    • make a shitload of money
    • save some lives or whatever
  • it is
  • H I L A R I O U S
  • his go-to explanation for how he knows what’s going to happen?
  • he has a psychic scar
  • (hermione is SO PISSED about this)
  • (neville’s like “either he’s psychic, or he’s the greatest conman alive”)
  • everyone just sort of assumes harry’s insane and he doesn’t do much to dispute this
  • harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year
  • “snape is my sole ally”
  • he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so they’re part of the gang throughout and it’s great
  • even draco is a friend!
  • (kind of)
  • (when harry’s not spreading a rumor that draco’s the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)
  • harry’s motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, “oh, this will be hilarious
  • either that or, “it’s probably a tax deductible”
  • because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn
    • (so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)
    • it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that he’s not the heir of slytherin…. because if he was, he’d have found a way to make money off of it
    • and everyone’s like “yeah ok that checks out”
  • in this timeline, neville’s boggart isn’t snape…. it’s harry as the minister of magic
  • harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard
    • harry: by the way, that reminds me – cedric. graveyard.
    • cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.
  • the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring
    • he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, friggin’ voldemort
  • everyone is like “what… what the fuck, harry”
    • (though by the end of first year it’s more like “… *deep sigh* … fine.
    • snape is so angry
  • it’s fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off
  • here’s the link
  • thank me later

mysticalmondfee:

jedi-spacewizard:

not-enough-dice:

smolredlesbian:

jadefrickingharley:

4ragon:

battlerobot:

probablyfunrpgideas:

queer-taako:

ohdebt:

nedsseveredhead:

explain your dnd characters backstory in the shittiest way possible

*sweet old-fashioned virginian lawyer voice* Damn it all I hate this town, all I wanted was a rug…..

Local country musician spreads the good news of necromancy

Elf is too squishy to be a wizard, they kick him out and he turns to the obvious career of prostitution. More wizards continue to make his life difficult.

shrek

*catches on fire* WHERES MY MOM YOU FUCKING BASTARDS

Nature cleric gnome who just wants to be left out of this nonsense, thank you very much. They just want to be with their plants.

The longest game of hide and seek ever

Accidentally joins cat circus, never regrets it.

A 12 oz can of whoop ass with an axe

2/3 of Elf’s (the elf’s name is elf) life was spent alone in the woods. When they’re not alone in the woods they’re with an annoying guy or pirates. Oh and they’re fine with getting stabbed. No hard feelings

this bitch just wants to read a book and talk about JESUS