heads-up to people following me: i’mma tag my trials of apollo spoilers as spoilers for the rest of may, and then after that i’m just going to use my toa/trials of apollo tags! i can’t promise everything will be under a readmore also, so if you need to unfollow me until you get your hands on a copy i wont be mad!!! stay free of spoilers my lovely ones
it’s weird making a new friend circle because there are those little things that are You™ that your original circle has heard like eight million times and then they casually come up in front of the new friends and theyre like “WAIT YOU WRITE FANFICTION” and ur like “since i was eight man how the fuck did you not know this” and ur like….. right, this is a New Person™
ok, so, the first step towards an amazing coming out is establishing the element of surprise. to ensure said element, you need to acquire a seemingly heterosexual fake-partner to lull everyone else in your life into thinking you are the straightest heterostraight in the block.
then u need to marry them. i know, i know, it seems kind of dramatic but trust me, you need to marry your seemingly heterosexual fake-partner (or, should i say, your partner in crime). just trust me. start the process of marrying by performing a proposal.
then, you need to really make the actual coming out a surprise. establish the surprise by shocking your loved ones with your very heterosexual news. this is an ideal example situation:
ok, you’re halfway there. now you want to make sure your wedding is going to be amazing. the most important thing is to invite the highest ranking government officials of your country, all your family members and every single one of your friends. this part is vital. you have to make sure absolutely everyone comes. also, make the venue magnificent, because this is going to be one of the biggest days of your life (but not in the way everyone else thinks! [slow wink])
alright. your wedding is underway, but you don’t want to slam the big surprise to the table right away. let everyone think you’re actually going to do this.
ok, now it’s time. it’s gonna happen. this is what you’ve been building up to all this time. take some deep breaths. try to calm down. sing ‘ymca’ in your head or something. it’s time to dropthe bomb.
like you and your love interest planned, they are going to show up at this exact moment.
there they are! their face is so beautiful that you might go breathless (as demonstrated below) for a lil while but it’s ok.
you’re starting to get cold feet. your partner in crime notices this and will encourage you if needed.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! SMOOCH!!! DO IT!!!
there you go!!!! you have officially come out of the closet!!
you are happy!!
your friends are happy!!
your family is happy!!!
yup! even your parents! look how happy they are!
and this, my friends and associates, has been:
okay i finished trials of apollo spoilery reaction under the cut and then i might shut up about it for a while
the solangelo has killed me. i am lying here stone cold dead because uncle rick just had these two happy lil nugs constantly together and being painfully cute, like apollo was jealous cute, and while i’m kind of curious about their backstory and how they got together I DONT FUCKIN CARE THEY ARE TOGETHER AND THEYRE AGGRESSIVELY PAINFULLY HAPPY FUCK LIFE
as for the rest of the book, it was all typical uncle rick. Bigger and Badder villains. bad jokes. genuinely surprising plot twists. percy sass. i’m here for it.
i’m also here for him explicitly and repeatedly confirming how non-hetero Apollo is. i’m using the term bi for now because it’s relatively apt, but he consistently says “oh yes my two great loves Daphne and Hyakinthos” and “oh yes all the mortal men and women i have loved” and i am just so Here For It because haha joke’s on you mediocre white boy who picked this book up expecting hetero white boy mediocrity HE’S BISEXUAL FUCK YOU YOUR FAVE IS QUEER
I’M HERE FOR IT
the whole book was genuinely just regular Rick i have no real comments other than how aggressively happy i am there are the gay
Imagine if Kanaya took an uncomfortable interest in the continuation of the human species as well.
She keeps guiding John and Roxy into bedrooms and then leaving them alone like oh don’t mind me Biologically Mature Humans I’ll just be in the other room. You two just get up to whatever you feel like. Don’t be alarmed if you hear romantic music, this speaker system is a little glitchy. Whoops, didn’t mean to drop all these rose petals. Isn’t it funny how things just happen like that?
The condom stash starts to mysteriously disappear.
Jane makes an offhand comment that she wouldn’t mind being a mother someday and wakes up to a package containing no less than 17 human baby onesies.
At one point Dirk has to sit a very distraught Kanaya down and explain to her that him and Jake aren’t going to be making babies anytime soon. It’s a very uncomfortable discussion full of terrible Dirkisms for sex and Jake’s face gets so red at one point he has to excuse himself.
Rose is laughing through all of this btw.
more trials of apollo spoilers under the cut
honestly i am literally crying right now rick riordan has made canon a happy healthy same-sex relationship and i’m crying so many queer kids are reading this goofy kid-friendly novel and there are HAPPY GAYS like yes nico is still the King of Angst but so much queer lit is about how miserable we all are and how dead we all become and will and nico are bickering amicably and being disgustingly cute together and i’m genuinely crying tears are falling down my face and i’ve had to put the book down because uncle rick, this random hetero white man, is able to pull this kind of shit when even some queer authors refuse to and nico gets to be happy and there are happy queer children and i am CRYING
TRIALS OF APOLLO SPOILER UNDER THE CUT PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK
solangelo is canon
SOLANGELO IS CANON
SOLANGELO! IS! CANON!
BISEXUAL APOLLO CONFIRMED!
UNCLE RICK YOU SWEET MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS MORE THAN I COULD HAVE PRAYED FOR
PLUS THE SOLANGELO IS EXACTLY HOW WE’VE ALL BEEN EXPECTING IT AND FICCING IT AND SWEET LORD I AM HAPPY I AM SO HAPPY AND SO BLESSED
Finn, Rey, and Poe seem like the kind of people who’d have a relationship that requires a very strict ratio of 2 human disasters to 1 mature adult, and they rotate turns about who has to be responsible.
Like Poe comes back from a meeting to find Rey and Finn both wearing buckets on their head as they blindly sock wrestle (half a dozen pilots in a circle around them, egging them on) and Poe’s first thought is, “shit, they’re both already wrestling so I have to be referee.”
