college residence hall gothic

romnovae:

  • the lights in the hallway are always on. you wake up at 4 am and lean over to make sure the slice of light under your doorway is still there. it is, except for the two dark patches made by someone’s feet as they stand there, watching. when you get up and look through the peephole, there’s no one there, but the shadows remain until the morning comes.
  • the room next to yours has been empty all year, even after the spring transfer students moved in. still, you hear people talking in there now and then: quiet, murmuring, anxious. when you knock on the wall they do not stop.
  • one day you wake up and realize you haven’t left the building in three days. your window tells you the outside world is still there, but when you try to open it for fresh air, you can’t, and when you go downstairs to leave, the doors are locked.
  • there’s a frisbee in your room and you don’t know how it got there. you don’t play frisbee. no one you know plays frisbee. everyone in the residence hall owns a frisbee anyway.
  • the building is never truly silent. if it were, you would know it was time to really be afraid.
  • they turn the heat on too high in the winter, all winter long. you open the windows and let heat pour into the frozen air, and still your room is sweltering. you wonder who the administration is desperately trying to keep warm.
  • there is a spot on the wall where nothing will remain attached–no posters, no lights, no stickers. you’ve tried to cover it up a dozen times and when you turn back to it, the poster you stuck there has disappeared. you find it in the cabinet under your sink, but not until many weeks later.
  • the faucet leaks. the shower leaks. the ceiling leaks. they do not leak water.
  • the day you move in, the RA gives you a list of all the room’s imperfections already registered with the school so that you won’t have to pay for any of these broken things at the end of the year. the list reads: one (1) lopsided desk, multiple dents in the walls/paint, one (1) cracked mirror, and one (1) tear in the fabric of reality caused by the extreme emotional disturbance of the previous occupant, brought on by academic stress.
  • you wonder how much the fine for the last one costs.

I know it’s fashionable to hate shakespeare for being a white cis male shitlord but calling his work trashy just displays your ignorance. there are reasons he still gets studied in school hundreds of years later. the man basically invented the english language as we speak it today.

costumersupportdept:

ansiblelesbian:

blue-author:

I don’t hate Shakespeare. 

I love Shakespeare. 

In my opinion, the greatest disservice anyone can do to his work is to elevate it to some kind of highbrow high art literary thing. The reason he’s studied today is that his plays endured (plus or minus some changes in fashion over the centuries), and the reason his plays endured is because they were popular, and the reason his plays were popular is because he crammed them full of stuff that people wanted; i.e., lots of jokes focusing on the less refined features of the human anatomy and the things they get up to.

Perhaps you’ve had it explained to you that Hamlet’s talk of “country matters” was an uncouth pun, and his reply in the same conversation of “nothing” was a similar reference. Did you think that was a one-off thing? 

If you’re aware that “nothing” was a euphemism for the vulva in Shakespeare’s England, have you ever stopped to marvel at the sheer audacity, the sheer brass somethings that a man would have to have to name a play Much Ado About Nothing?

Translate that into modern-modern English, and you’d get something like Everybody’s Up In Arms About Pussy. Though you’d lose the pun on “nothing/noting” in doing so… yes, that’s how far from highbrow Shakespeare is. He made the title of his play a triple pun.

And yes, Much Ado is not one of the Bard’s more serious works to begin with… but then, what is? We divide Shakespeare’s plays up into tragedies and comedies based on the dramatic convention of which ones have a happy ending versus a sad one, but they are all comedies in the modern sense of “things you go to expecting to laugh”. The country/nothing lines come from Hamlet. Heck, Hamlet is hilarious throughout. Any scene with Polonius in it is guaranteed to be comedy gold. 

Of course, the people who want to call Shakespeare highbrow are probably the people who quote him in all blustering sincerity when he says “to thine own self be true”… or funnier still, when they paraphrase him as saying that “brevity is the soul of wit”.

Of course, hands down, my favorite bit in Hamlet is when he’s giving instructions to the players that basically amount to William Shakespeare pre-emptively bringing up every stereotype of Serious Shakespearean Acting we have today and saying, “This. This thing. Do not do this thing.”

Anyway, let’s talk about the idea that he “invented the English language”; e.g., he created so many hundreds of new words. Okay, well, first of all, we don’t know how many he invented. We just know there are words and usages of words for which the texts of his plays are the earliest surviving example. The thing is, all those words evidently made sense to his audience.

There’s a post that goes around Tumblr listing some of the words credited to Shakespeare, and one of them is “elbow”. The commentary attached to this post basically boggles over the idea that nobody in the English world had a name for “the bendy part of an arm” until an actor gets up on stage and says “elbow”, and everybody’s like, “Oh, yeah, that’s what it is.”

Except it didn’t happen like that. The noun elbow isn’t what is attributed to Shakespeare; the verb to elbow (as in “elbowing someone aside”) is. His character took a noun and used it to describe an action. That’s not a highbrow creation of language as some sort of received wisdom handed down from authority. That’s naturalistic language use. 

Even if he was the first person to describe the act of “elbowing someone”, it caught on because it worked, because it made sense to vernacular speakers of English. 

So many of his words fit this model: they are butchered foreign words, they are slangy applications of English words, they are colorful metaphors or synecdoches. In short, he was writing in what we call “Buffyspeak”. If he had an unusual talent for doing it memorably, it still ultimately worked because it reflected the language of the time.

This is your daily reminder that ‘some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them’ is a dick joke.

like my favorite shakespeare prof. always said, if you haven’t told at least ten dick jokes each by intermission you’re doing it wrong.

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

Honestly in all of these stories these poetic white men who somehow end up immortal get so bored and miserable because they just sit in their mansion all day doing whatever it is they need to do in order to sustain their immortality and then they just throw lavish parties and organize orgies or whatever and then they’re like “why am I sad I eat three course meals and have at least one orgy daily what MORE could I POSSIBLY need??”

Like???? Damn go for a walk. Do you even KNOW your neighbors? Get a dog and take it to the park. Set up an elaborate fish tank. Go skiing like you’ve been alive for 200 years and you’ve spent 180 of it in your house looking at paintings and drinking wine with other rich assholes no wonder ur life sucks my man.

Buy a canoe.

this post was specifically targeting dorian grey.

classannalampost:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

actualscience:

firebreathingeli:

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

i do bite my thumb, sir

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

is the law on our side if i say ay?

No

no, sir, i do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I bite my thumb, sir

Do you quarrel, sir?

quarrel, sir? no sir

if you do, sir, i am for you: i serve as good a man as you

No better

well, sir

DOST THOU WANT TO FUCKING GO, SIR?

DOST THOU THINK THOU CAN FUCKING TAKE ME, BRO?

DOST THOU EVEN HOIST? OUT TO THE COURT YARD, WITH HASTE.  

The Shakespeare fandom is out of control

chilldexie:

From the moment they met, Jack knew this was the
man with which he would spend the rest of his life. 

“I hope y’all like pecan pie,” Eric Bittle said. He was small,
blond, and southern, with a smile that could brighten a room and a pie that
smelled like heaven held gently in his hands. Ransom and Holster were on him in
seconds.

“Holy shit, did you make this? It’s spectacular!” said
Holster, pieces of pecan flying from his mouth. He hadn’t bothered to grab a
plate, or a fork, or anything resembling kitchen ware for that
matter. 

“Uhh, yes?” Eric looked scandalized. Ransom and Shitty had
joined in, grabbing bits of pie and cramming it in their mouths with a voracity
that challenged wild hyenas. 

Jack was perched on the edge of the dining hall table, watching the
chaos unfold. This wasn’t how he thought it would happen. After a moment, he
rolled up his sleeve, tracing his fingers over the soul mark that occupied the
inside of his arm. ‘I hope y’all like pecan pie’ was written in
large loopy letters. From where Jack sat, he could see the rest of the boys
converging on Bittle’s pie. He smiled at the horrified look on Eric’s face. He would be easy to love, Jack thought. 

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