do you ever think about how legendary pokemon might be their equivalent of cryptids in the pokemon world like ‘okay sure trainer you say you got a picture of a moltres but that just looks like you lit a rubber chicken on fire, that’s probably a hoax.’ ‘everyone knows that mewtwo is just a dude in a suit.’ ‘my grandmother’s aron got taken by deoxys my aunt got it on video’
*tumblr blogger in pokemon world voice* ho-oh is gay and also my dad
jirachi is real and sucked my dick behind a pokemart
Category: Uncategorized
ok my dashboard is dead i need to follow more folks and i want more omgcp fic, malec fic, avengers fic, and harry potter fic on my dash reblog if this describes yourself
please god let at least 1 person get this joke
if i post anything, anything at all for the rest of the day, i need all’a y’all to reply in my message box en mass “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOUR KEYSTONE TODAY REBECCA” or some variation thereof because lol i’m behind
Anyway Yk what I want to see in season 2? Now that we had the passionate, a little desperate “time is running from us” exposed to everyone kiss?
I want the slowest, sweetest, most romantic “we have all the time in the world” kiss. I want Magnus to lean in and kiss Alec once and very short and very sweet and so very very soft and pull back immediately, and then I want Alec with a hand on Magnus’ jaw to just lean back in and kiss him, slow and sugary-shy, the softest kiss for kissings sake, one that is not driven by “I have to do this” but by “I want to do nothing else but this”; Alecs hand fond on Magnus cheek with a thumb brushing gently along his jaw, and a simple moment of just. The sweetest kiss. Noses brushing, foreheads together, smiling against each other’s mouth on the pull-apart to lean in again, just one more time. Always just once more.
ANCIENT ROMAN MEME DISCOVERED
1 2
2 50
it doesnt translate very well
GET THE FUCK OUT
This is a whole new level of memeing.
The Best Of
↳ Magnus Bane
girls don’t want boys girls want an ao3 app
for @lovingoblivion, headcanons for a fake dating malec AU
– ok so the lightwoods are kind of Horrible™ right so when alec comes out to them they’re like 100% in denial. nope, son, you’re just confused, you don’t know what you’re saying, you’ll meet a nice girl someday, the whole shebang. alec is MAD AS HELL
– so what is a boy to do but find a fake boyfriend? his bff jace just started dating this girl clary who’s got a friend who’s super bi (and also kinda cute????) who might help him out because they’ve been third-wheeling their friends for a while
– alec asks magnus to pretend to be his boyfriend in order to make his homophobic/mildly racist parents angry and magnus is 110% Here For This Content so that happens
– I’VE NEVER BEEN KISSED, ALEC SAYS. I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO PRACTICE KISSING TO MAKE IT REALISTIC, MAGNUS SAYS. things ensue
– ok so obviously they fall madly in love with each other but they’re both in deep denial because the other is obviously just doing it for The Act
– they both get progressively more jealous of each other bc alec confided in magnus that he used to have a Thing for jace and magnus said that he just got out of this really bad relationship with his ex camille and basically they’re both fucking idiots and think the other is into someone else????
– they get in a massive screaming match somewhere private about “if you’re into someone else just say so” or whatever and magnus says something like “i know this is all fake but i thought you cared about me, you know, deep down” and alec is just like
– and then they date properly for many years and get married and adopt two babies and i run screaming into the abyss crying because of these nerds
Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?
I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.
Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.
Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.
I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.
Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.
“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.
MOUNTAIN LODGE
it literally smells like waking up on a cold night to find a bearded richard armitage adding another quilt to the bed before he gets back in and pulls you snugly against his chest
I’m not fucking around I feel like I should be watching chris hemsworth in flannel and suspenders whittling a delicate masterpiece in front of a fireplace rn
All right, Tumblr, I saw this post a few months ago and immediately realized I had to smell this candle. I have never in my life experienced such a burning need (pun intended) to smell what the Yankee Candle website described as a warm aroma of cedarwood and sage, but what Tumblr described as my new boyfriend.
The trouble is that nearest Yankee Candle Company store was a bit of a trek, and my schedule tended to prohibit this olfactory adventure.
So for the last few weeks, as I’d scroll my Tumblr dash and look at images of attractive manly men, I’d sigh and wistfully think, if only I could engage another sense with this image. If only I could I could truly fathom the ideal fragrance of this man.
And then this happened.
And I knew.
I knew whatever was happening, I needed to get to a Yankee Candle Company. The scent of Mountain Lodge would transport me instantly to this scene. The aroma of this infamous candle could make me live out a self-insertion Avengers fanfic.
So I got in my car, made the drive, and located the Yankee Candle Company. The store was crowded with holiday shoppers. My nose was immediately assaulted by hundreds of warring scents.
I battled through the sea of humanity and the Angel Wings-Merry Marshmallow-Magical Frosted Forest assault, buoyed on by my need to understand what Steve Rogers ripping a log in half with his bare hands smelled like.
I waded toward the back of the store, only to discover the man candle section seems to have been discontinued. What was I going to steady myself on, once I found my scented gateway to hanging out with the Avengers on Hawkeye’s farm? I felt lost, adrift, unable to find my bearings amid Soft Blanket-Fluffy Towels-Home Sweet Home.
And then… rising from the “Fresh” display, there it was.
Mountain Lodge.
It was the moment of truth. What would it be like to smell this infamous candle?
I opened the lid. I took a deep breath.
And I giggled.
Ah yes. This was it. This gentle, pleasantly masculine fragrance, in fact, reduced me to what I’d probably do in the actual presence of Chris Evans: giggle like an idiot.
The smell makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me gently swoon: all reactions that, indeed, can be elicited by an ideal man. I can barely handle the true power of Mountain Lodge.
Several months have passed since this discovery. I have regaled friends with the saga, and after hearing of it, they, too, felt the burning need to smell the candle. One by one, we have all become Mountain Lodge converts.
In times of need, this candle is our refuge. Our group has developed escapist superpowers, infused by the Yankee Candle Company.
THE CANDLE, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.
MOUNTAIN LODGE.
I just picked up another one of these BUT FRIENDS
THERE IS ANOTHER CANDLE
A SIGNATURE CANDLE
IN A TASTEFUL SILVER JAR
AND IT IS CALLED BARBERSHOP AND IT IS GLORIOUS
There are two more called Chrome and. …Afternoon? No, Aftershave. Oh my god guys, Aftershave is perfection. As a,friend described it when I forced her into the store to smell it, it smells like Steve Rogers after a shower.
Friends. Buy that candle.
I cannot stop laughing, every one of these stories is hilarious and perfect
