I cosplayed Edna Mode from The Incredibles at Holiday Matsuri and needless to say I spent the day hunting down characters with capes and getting irrationally angry at them
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
wait.
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.
Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.
Interesting thing about magpies – they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard – as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies – carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc – and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.
3/18/2015 12:53:40 That moment when a massive football player corners you in the dining hall to tell you good luck on the playoffs “you guys are champs” 3/18/2015 12:55:45 file under: things 7th grade Eric Bittle would not expect to happen
It is my firm belief that a good number of the Samwell Football Team has a crush on Bitty. When inevitably a new player falls for our favoritie #15, he has to take a picture with another teammate holding bunny ears behind his head.
Later in the hockey season when football is over, there is an entire section that is informally reserved for the football players who come to every home game.
Because seriously, the more I think about, I’m even more convinced.
This football player cornered Bitty to congratulate him – Bitty who was complaining that people still don’t realize he plays hockey.
This player knows who Bitty is. Knows that Bitty is a starting player. And as much as we can tell from a tweet, is fanboying all over Bitty.
This is so deliberate!
A bunch of the football players go running regularly. One day in spring, they decide to change up their usual route, and the new one takes them past the Haus. Holster and Bitty are out on the lawn, tossing a beat-up football back and forth, and just as the football players draw up to them Bitty throws an absolute beaut of a pass, just the right amount of spin on it; it soars way past Holster (who’s too busy shouting hot nonsense about how Bitty is full witchcraft to try and catch it anyway). Luckily, one of the football guys (let’s call it the Quarterback cuz lol that’s the only one I know) catches the ball out of sheer reflex, though. Realising what he just saw, he stops dead in the middle of the street, struggling not to let his jaw hit the floor or his dick – well. And Bitty’s just there, in his tiny fucking shorts and a tank top that really covers almost nothing, laughing and chirping and apologising for his massive oaf of a D-man, and that’s how Samwell’s Quarterback falls head over heels in love with Eric R. Bittle.
Except he’d never *say* anything because that Zimmermann guy is a scary motherfucker, watching the whole thing from a deck chair, glaring at QB (let’s call him TJ) so hard that TJ’s surprised he hasn’t caught fire yet.
This becomes so much better when you remember Jack was the one to chase the football team out of the Haus with a fire extinguisher at the previous year’s epikegster and if TJ is the starting QB, he was definitely a part of the team last year.
Ah but for Bitty’s Junior year, Jack isn’t around so much to glare and scare off those lovelorn football players (I strongly believe that TJ isn’t the only one with a crush, it’s definitely a pattern). Bitty gets asked out by more football players this year than in his entire life to date.
“Where were all these strapping, well-built young men when I was single???”
After the 8th one walks away heartbroken, Jack decides that they need to push up the timetable of coming out as a couple.
Georgia: I thought you had a three year plan…
Jack: I need this to happen faster. The football team is very attractive this year, I can’t risk it. One of them might figure out about the ‘ask him to help you bake’ strategy.
I just had another thought to add to this:
You know how the soccer team are famously the only team gayer than Samwell Men’s Hockey?
Now I’m just imagining the entire soccer team just happening to be “practicing” at exactly the time that Bitty goes for his morning run, and as he goes past they all let out a heavy sigh in unison.
One time Chowder and Farmer were at a party in the soccer house, and spotted a picture of Bitty cut out from the Swallow, decorated with glitter and tiny pie stickers with the inscription “Life Goal #1: Marry A Man Who Can Bake”. There’s list next to it documenting every soccer player who asked Bitty out, with points given for how politely he turned them down.
Farmer discreetly snaps a copy of this on her phone and saves it for the appropriate occasion which, as it turns out is the Zimbits wedding. There are like 7 Best Man speeches, but Chowder’s beats out Shitty’s and Kent’s for applause because he gets to tell the “how the soccer team were all in love with Bitty” story.
Jack immediately asks Lardo to make him a YO MARRY A MAN WHO CAN BAKE t-shirt and she has sketched out the design on a napkin before the cake is even served.
The ten year college reunion is just a crushing affair for every gay man who ever met Eric Bittle.
• percy and annabeth sparring together until they’re literally at each other’s throats and glaring intensely……… then percy breaks composure and starts grinning, causing annabeth to falter & start giggling as well aND
• percy and annabeth eating ice cream together on some random sidewalk & exchanging cones & totally chilling
• them walking and holding hands everywhere & everyone secretly wants to know the Backstory
• yOU KNOW WHEN THEIR HANDS ARE LACED TOGETHER AND THEN THE GUY LIFTS HER HAND TO KISS IT BACKWARDS YEAH PERCY TOTALLY FREAKING DOES THAT I’M
• okaY but they love teasing each other so much especially annabeth, she totally pranks him sometimes and steals his shirts & jUST it’s so cliche but actually So Cute wth
• percy lifting annabeth’s bangs and kissing her forehead & closing his eyes & taking in her smell & playing with her hair
• percy going all weak at the knees when he sees annabeth in one of his hoodies with her hair down and gOD this boy’s in love
• them jamming to music together and having karaoke contests
• them just doing friend things okay dammit
• percy. falls. asleep. on. her shoulder. all. the time. ??????? and she siezes the opportunity to run her fingers through his hair & elicit happy groans out of him…….. i’m done
• making out. just. percy cupping annabeth’s face with one hand and the other one’s pulling her in at the waist & he’s leaning down & she has her arms looped around his neck and they’re so Into It it’s not PG-13 anymore
• aIGHT them playing video games into the middle of the night cause annabeth’s hella competitive & psyched up & percy’s just slightly bitter she’s getting better than him at it
• percy always finds himself staring at her cause she’s so precious and talk about lovestruck, not to mention annabeth’s face gets all warm when she thinks about him i Just
• a lot of bickering and bantering and tbh the friendship just shines through a lot in their relationship, like sometimes it’s so Platonic and other times it’s a lot of touching & making out & staring like i’m not ever gonna get sick of it
• JUST. TRAINING TOGETHER. they’ll grab at any chance to be on opposing teams so they can destroy each other with a purpose
