hey gays use this website and tag the # of average thing you post in a day mine’s 6.5
i went through some of the tags and if you got a number above 50……. do your homework. i saw some ppl got 100+ and if thats the case for you message me so i can help you contact your local crisis center
The royal family employs no bodyguards. A would-be assassin discovers why.
“Please?” the crown prince said hopefully.
The assassin hesitated. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.”
“Come on, you’re doing great. Just one stab, it’ll be easy-peasy.” The prince spread his arms wide, leaving his throat and chest vulnerable.
“Look, I’m going to level with you,” the assassin said. “I took this contract on the assumption that you were a bad dude. Usually when a country goes bankrupt this fast, it’s because whoever’s in charge is raiding the treasury. But once I infiltrated the guard, I actually had to spend time around you, and you’re just.” The assassin threw her hands up in disgust. “You’re a really nice person! There’s no getting around it! So I’m not super on board with murdering you now. Nothing personal.”
“But if you don’t, my sisters won’t get the life insurance payout, and the country will be in debt for the next century!”
“I’m pretty sure arranging for your own assassination is insurance fraud.”
“Your whole job is to commit murder,” the prince said, “and now you’re worried about a little insurance fraud?”
The assassin pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, let’s back up and think about this rationally. Have you considered faking your own death?”
imagine living somewhere flat….with like……almost no hills…..what do you guys do for fun get picked off by birds of prey or
Real talk every school trip i ever took where we had to go to The Flat Land there was a palpable sense of tension and anxiety on the whole bus from the time we left the mountains until we got back into the foothills. You could honestly feel everyone collectively relax once we were back in the Good Terrain like “Ah yes we are now safe from the unmerciful gaze of the sky”
MAN SERIOUSLY every time I visit family in the Netherlands I feel like the sky is going to crush me. It’s so huge. When everything is flat the sky feels like it’s looming over you. Endless. Blue skies are absolutely breathtaking but cloudy skies are really, really oppressive. (also, in Holland, the fact that the water is higher than the ground. That’s fucking wild man.)
But on the flip side, every time the family visits us they’re like- really weirded out by all the damn hills, the fact that roads can just go up or down or need to wind around the landscape instead of cutting straight through it, and the presence of rocks. Rocks! On the roadside! Simply existing!! What the fuck is up with that. Why are there rocks.
I don’t exactly see the crushing void of the sky much since there is usually, you know, some buildings or a forest in the way but I did grow up mostly in the flattest flat that flatted and I’m definitely having trouble coming to terms with cities built on hills. Like why is it there and why did you not build your thing 5 kilometers to the left??
Also man, I’m perfectly comfy with hills and forests and lakes, cool terrain twists like that but mountains?? Real ones?
What the fuck. Why are there rocks.
Why are there huge ass gigantic rocks in my field of vision when I look up.
so I know that Gatsby is like. a bi dude. but he would make an awesome useless lesbian. I mean…throwing parties in the hopes that the girl he likes might just wander in??? never knowing how to interact with her, always needing Nick for support? Lesbian culture right there.
god outta nowhere i just remembered the time i was in a game where the dm didn’t read one of the character’s backstories carefully enough and allowed someone to make it all the way to the final session with the hidden ability to turn into a motorcycle
lydia you cant just say stuff like this and then not explain exactly how this was performed
k so. one of the first big games i played with my current meatspace gaming group was a really excellent post-apocalyptic homebrew game. really excellent. but it was also wild as hell, had a lot of players, and was the dm’s first big game, so it was at times a real exercise in controlled chaos. and my good bro willie…my bro willie was kind of at the brunt of it. both in that he always to this day plays really chaotic characters that can’t avoid trouble, and also in that due to that and other misfortunes he died like every other session towards the end. he went through five or six characters by the time the campaign was over. one didn’t even last a full session. it was remarkable to witness actually.
but anyway, towards the end, the dm was fairly overwhelmed and dealing with a lot of other characters doing epic-level wasteland nonsense, and kinda threw reading willies backstories to the wayside. which was unfortunate for him, because willie hails from the ‘3 pages or more’ school of backstories, and by this time in the campaign was coping with his characters’ constant deaths by planning backup character well in advance, to the point where they all had intricate, complex connections to each previous character. so when he dies due to circumstances out of his control before the very last few sessions (the first but certainly not last character death he had due to betrayal: willie im still sorry) its not too suprising that he comes back as this brooding edgy darth vader guy with a five page backstory about how he had obtained a horrific nanosuit cyborg body, and the dm approves it, but sure as hell doesn’t read the whole thing bc he’s planning the final confrontation at this point.
cut to the middle of the incredibly serious final session, where his character and my character and my character’s children are fighting for their lives to escape the facility where they are currently caught in the crossfire between a raging, dying artificial intelligence and religiously zealous psychic juggernaut (long story). the dm is giving us a very bleak countdown of how long we have to get out before the whole place collapses but his character just turns to mine with a “don’t worry, just trust me” and willie smiles, looks up at the dm, and is like, “i activiate my nanite body and turn into a motorcycle”, which unfortunately was completely street legal with what he’d detailed in his backstory, so that’s exactly what he fuckin did, as the dm put his head in his hands.
end result: we survived.
this is my favorite 3 paragraphs ive ever read thank you lydia
what i do is not up to you 