Bitty: As your trophy husband, Jack: Excuse me, I’m clearly the trophy husband in this relationship.
[3 hours of bickering ensue]
Lardo: So who’s the reacher and who’s the settler in the relationship? Jack & Bitty simultaneously: I’m the reacher. Jack & Bitty: …… [3 more hours of bickering ensue]
[x] Star Wars’d Lovers Volume 1: Han and Leia as Beatrice and Benedick
Beatrice: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.
Benedick: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted. And I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.
Beatrice: A dear happiness to women. They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humor for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
James Potter is the guy who was kind of a dick when he got to high school but cleaned up his act by junior year and went on to become a human rights lawyer with the ACLU because he knew he could make more of a difference fighting for what’s right instead of getting into schoolyard brawls
Severus Snape is the guy who thinks that just because you’ve been friends for years you’ll eventually have sex with him and then after you drop him like a hot potato because hes been spending too much time on 4chan and reddit and started hanging out with guys who make racist and sexist remarks and then say “it’s just a joke!!” only for him to call you a slur in front of the whole school he joins a white supremacist group with his new buds and starts harassing women and minorities online and then in public and then is arrested for planning to shoot up a women’s college only to get off because he’s a white guy and now he teachers at your old high school
Someone: POLITICS and ART should always be SEPARATE! There is NO REASON why ART should be POLITICAL!
William Shakespeare: *laughs. writes 3 more tiny hand jokes into his latest play, King Tiny Hands.*
Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.
Bucky posts things like
“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”
“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”
“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”
“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”
“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”
“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS PICTURING
Madison: *snickering* hey Alexander, how are you doing with your essays
Hamilton: uh I think they’re going okay, why? How are yours?
Madison: oh you know, I just wrote 29 of them. I know the plan WAS 25 but I just found that there was SO much to say
Hamilton: I agree! I finished my 51st the other day
Madison: …
Hamilton: …
Madison: Thomas, we are engaged in a battle for our nation’s very soul
what i do is not up to you 