mustardprecum:

kirkaut:

The Avengers series ends with a fade to black and then the sound of paper rustling. We see a marbled notebook covered in hello kitty stickers. On the front, it reads DP’S SICK AVENGERS FIC VOL 5.

Deadpool is reading dramatically from it, reciting the events of the last few minutes, including bad sound effects. He closes the notebook and raises his mask eyebrows expectantly.

Across from him sits Tony Stark. Behind him we can see the wreckage from the battle of New York from the first Avengers. He looks blankly stunned until he starts blinking a lot.

“Yeah,” Tony says slowly, “no, you definitely can’t be an Avenger.”

Deadpool deflates, disappointed, but not for long. He perks up. “While I have you here, let me run this coffee shop au by you real fast-“

I’m already disappointed by however Marvel will crossover with Deadpool, because I know it won’t be as good as this

This is how my GBBO Superhero Charity Bake-off fic ended up being rated M.

It’s all Deadpool’s fault.

my favorite story about this avengers adopt spider-man fic i wrote: it suddenly started getting more attention one day and i figured hey, someone with some clout must have recc’d it, but then i went and watched infinity war and realized people were reading it to cope with their Suffering i didn’t mean for it to serve this purpose but apparently it does

The Avengers on Celebrity Family Feud

starksquill:

Host: Name something you pullout.

Peter: Your penis?

Tony: Peter!

–

Host: Real or fiction, name a famous Willy.

Bucky: Willy the Pooh.

Steve: Bucky, no. Close but no.

–

Host: Name something you’d pay money to get rid of.

Tony: Your spouse.

Steve: Now that’s just hurtful.

Tony: We aren’t even married, Steve.

Steve: And whose fault is that?

–

Host: Name a kind of bear.

Steve: Papa.

Sam: Dammit, Steve.

–

Host: During what month of pregnancy does a woman start to show?

Stephen: September.

Host: …

Stephen: I’m a fucking idiot.

Host: Aren’t you a doctor?

–

Host: Name a small animal that people find just as scary as a big shark.

Rhodey: A chihuahua.

Tony: Come on, Rhodey.

Rhodey: Don’t tell me you don’t remember that devil dog the dude in the dorm next to us had, Tony.

Tony: Not everybody shares your experience.

–

Host: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.

Thor: A horse.

Host: … what?

Thor: A horse.

Thor: I speak from experience. My brother enjoyed his fair share of mischief in our youth.

–

Host: Name something Russia is famous for.

Natasha: Russians.

Bucky: She’s not wrong.

–

Host: Name something a burglar wouldn’t want to see when he breaks into a house.

Sam: Naked grandma!

Host: Naked what?

Bruce: I wouldn’t want to see that either.

Host: No one does. It’s just an incredibly specific answer.

–

Host: Name a yellow fruit.

Bruce: Orange!

Host: …

Audience: …

Bruce: I … panicked.

Thor: whERE ARE YOUR SEVEN PHDS NOW, BANNER?

zoe-apocalypse:

Shuri, being completely sincere for once in her life: I’m a lesbian.

T’challa, thinking he’s finally in on the joke after watching one (1) vine compilation: I thought you were American?

Shuri, sobbing: I love you so fuckinf much but I was serious.

dajo42:

wholesomethanos:

Remember when Thanos got cockblocked by Deadpool?

the incel thanos vs the chad deadpool

spidertams:

spidertams:

What do you mean this is not what happened??? Buddy you and I didn’t watch the same film for sure

Reblogging this because people need to know the truth about IW ending still

petermaximoff:

ree-duh:

thetony-stark:

I Stan these geniuses

So your telling me some of the best scenes in infinity war weren’t even written by the russos

embarrassing

is tony a pta dad? i feel like he is. imagine 47 year old tony stark showing up at the decathlon team’s annual bake sale and getting into a fight with “that jackass, linda, and her dry-ass cake pops with the flimsy skewers. peter whens the next one of these? we’re going to crush linda”

lovelyirony:

BRUH HE TOTALLY WOULD

so he didn’t mean to be

but flash thompson’s dad is a total asshole

so naturally peter is gonna win first place at the band fundraiser instead of Flash. Tony is a fucking billionaire, he can handle it. Mr. Thompson–his name might be Mike? That’s a dick name–is going to cry in his two-years-ago-BMW, which isn’t that good of a car to begin with. Tony built better cars when he was drunk and eighteen.

Tony didn’t know how to bake. Keyword: didn’t. After one of Peter’s snobby ass classmates’ moms makes fun of Aunt May’s baking skills for the bake sale, Tony takes it upon himself to beat Linda at her own fucking game.

“Dry ass bitch tries to tell me her chocolate truffles are better from her grandmother’s recipe from IOWA. Try me bitch, I got ingredients directly imported from France.”

It should be noted that Peter got this all on video. Including Tony’s ten minute rant about how someone from Iowa wouldn’t know a truffle from a Costco knockoff, and the entire lecture of the invention of chocolate truffles in France.

Tony’s truffles knocked it out of the park. Linda’s were a fucking NIGHTMARE compared to Tony’s. They’re dry.

But then she whips out the CAKE POPS.Tony fumes as hers sell for two dollars “You can’t fake quality,” Linda said smugly.

“Hammer Industries does it all the time, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Tony says back.

He doesn’t know how people make cake pops. But he’s determined.

He hires professional bakers.

Peter posts about it on his finsta, and it’s the FUNNIEST thing that no one can know about.