honestly the omgcp fandom is one of the happiest, most productive, friendliest fandoms I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of 10/10 would recommend
Tag: omg check please
i hope that from now on, every frog tour of the Haus has pie
like it gets added to the bylaws and every year after Bitty graduates a senior has to teach a junior how to make pies for the frog tour
Imagine the day before the first frog tour after Bitty graduates, with Chowder and Dex and the tadpoles practically in tears trying to get the pie crust right, and Nursey walks in and is all “chill, we can buy pie from the store.”
And there’s just this horrified sucking in of breath, and Dex has to physically restrain Chowder while their goalie and new captain screams, THAT’S NOT WHAAT BITTY WOULD DO!
Every year when they make the pie for the tour they play it up like the huge deal that it is, using Bitty’s original recipes and everything, which they keep either A) tucked into one of those adorable old-fashioned recipe boxes or B) framed on the wall of the Haus kitchen (I haven’t decided which I like better).
When the frogs visit for the first time they sit around and eat pie and Chowder and Dex and Nursey and all the rest of the Old Frogs (who are now seniors of course) are just like “We made this pie in the memory of our amazing captain, Eric Richard Bittle, who is sadly no longer with us–” and one of the frogs is like “holy shit did he die” and Chowder starts to say “no he’s fine” but Nursey (who I imagine has become less obnoxious and was sort of like Ransom and Holster’s protégée) cuts him off like “YES, POOR SOUL, HE HAUNTS THE HAUS TO THIS VERY DAY….!”
Thus Bitty becomes a Haus ghost even though he isn’t dead. His name is legend. It’s said that his poor old oven gave out and he was so distraught that he died of grief– “IN THIS VERY KITCHENNNNN,” Nursey cries, waving his hands. The frogs aren’t sure what to think but Dex backs Nursey up in his quiet, sincere way and they start to believe it.
Cut to graduation. Bitty and Jack come to town, and Bitty decides to visit the Haus because he arrived first and Jack’s not getting in until that night. He goes in through the front door, which is unlocked because Chowder (bless his heart) finally made peace with the LAX team through persistent cheerfulness and the skillful application of Bitty’s own summer berry crumble. The Haus no longer has to worry about LAX bros getting in and ruining things or, failing that, egging the front porch on their way to morning practice.
Bitty notes with approval that the disgusting green couch is gone, and the curtains and windows have been washed. He wanders into the kitchen. It’s empty. The oven is new or at least very clean, and he just can’t help himself. Wouldn’t it be a nice surprise for everyone to come home to a nice fresh pie? So he puts on an apron and is halfway through rolling out the crust when someone comes into the Haus.
“Oh,” he says, and Bitty turns around. “I’m sorry, are you… lost? This kitchen isn’t for public use…”
“Oh, no, no,” Bitty says, and brushes flour off of his hands. It’s everywhere now, he realizes – on his face, in his hair – but it can’t be helped. “I used to live here. I’m Eric Bittle. Bitty.” He holds out a hand to shake but the stranger is backing away, shaking his head.
“This isn’t your kitchen any more, bro,” he says. Bitty shrinks a little. He knows that, he really does… but there was always something about Samwell that was home to him, and this kitchen most of all. He wants to tell this to the frog, but the frog in question is no longer standing before him. In fact, he’s diving for a cabinet on the other side of the sink. He throws it open and pulls out a rolling pin, one that Bitty recognizes. He left it behind because the Haus didn’t have one, and he could spare the extra.
The frog brandishes it at him, not attacking, just holding it up like a shield.
“Apple turnovers!” he shouts. “Pumpkin pie! Blueberry crumble!”
“What are you doing?” Bitty asks, very confused.
“I’m banishing you! Lemon squares! Begone, ghost!”
“What?”
“Gingerbread!”
“What are you saying?!” Bitty asks, raising his voice so he can be heard above the frog’s.
“Nursey warned us about you! This is the only way to set your spirit to rest!”
“Ah, I see.” The frog continues to hold the rolling pin, listing all the baked goods he can think of while Bitty pulls out his phone, opens his contacts, and calls a number.
“Derek. Malik. Nurse.”
mandy and jenny probably think it’s hilarious and like to Spook the frogs in the kitchen.
This is amazing. And also, OH YES when Nursey, Dex and Chowder are seniors they will totally be the Old Frogs.
18-year-old mayor jack zimmermann bankrupted his city by funding a
giant hockey rink/sports complex called Ice Town. years later, he falls in love with eric
bittle, the cheerful deputy director of the samwell parks department
Maybe I’m overthinking this, but the whole point of fandom is to overthink things. So, imma go for it.
There is a very strong link between anxiety and warmth. One of the symptoms of really bad anxiety is your hands get really, really cold. Like cup-your-best-friend’s-face-and-watch-her-shriek cold. Because the body feels like it’s under attack, thus the blood rushes away from the fingers.
Holding a warm cup of hot chocolate or tea is a really great way to reassure the body that nothing is wrong. It sends a feeling of well-being, of safety.
Now, the fact that Jack sees itty-bitty Bitty as a source of /warmth/……
*whistles off into the sunset*
Check Please HP AU
ALRIGHT, so I’ve been meaning to write this one for a while but I have accepted that it not going to happen in full-fic format. So, here, the old “this isn’t a fic but oh wait it’s turned into a bit of a fic” format (a petals classic):
So, the key of a CP HP AU is that, in general, you have to get everyone in the same House because that’s how the quidditch teams work. And a quick glance (I haven’t read them bc I try not to read aus im going to write for fear of transference) tells me that others have done Hufflepuff and Gryffindor but if you know anything about me, you know there is nothing I love more than dismantling the last vestiges of anti-Slytherin prejudice that still lingers in everyone’s subconscious. (*cough* Untamed *cough*)
Basically, I’m going to put everyone into Slytherin. Cuz I can. So here you go, you have:
Jack Zimmermann, son of Bad Bob Zimmermann, a quidditch legend. He played Beater for the Montrose Magpies and is known for creating and coining the term “Scoring Beater” due to his skill at using his beater’s bat not only to control the bludger, but to hit the quaffle through the posts at incredible distances. It starts out as a trick play but turned into a legitimate scoring strategy. Most importantly for our story, Bob Zimmermann was the Captain of the team for his final two years of Hogwarts, won the House Cup for 4/6 years he was on the team, and is generally regarded as one of the finest flyers ever to come out of Gryfindor.
Yes, Gryffindor. Bad Bob Zimmermann was a Gryffindor. In fact, all of the Zimmermanns in the history of Magic have been Gryffindors.
Until Jack Zimmermann. Already dealing with the pressure of dominating in quidditch little leagues, Jack Zimmermann came to Hogwarts and then in a moment that didn’t quite seem real, the Sorting Hat was put onto his head and screamed SLYTHERIN before it had even finished it’s downward descent. The Gryffinders started clapping before they realized what had happened. The Slytherins didn’t start clapping because they assumed there was some mistake. Some claimed that the Hat must just be a bit tired (it was the end of the alphabet after all) and it made a mistake. It is said that this might be the only time Headmaster McGonagall broke her calm exterior during a Sorting Ceremony and tried to put the hat back on a student’s head.
But, eventually (when the Hat just turned and huffed at McGonagall and the Slytherins finally started cheering), there was nothing left for Jack Zimmermann to do but walk over to the Slytherin side of the Great Hall and plop next to B. Knight, already wondering how on earth he was going to explain this to his parents. Even his mother, who was a Muggle, knew enough about Hogwarts to know that Slytherins were the worst.
Of course, in the weeks/months/years that follow, Jack Zimmermann realizes that he is, in fact, a Slytherin. Goal-oriented? Ambitious? He is all of those things. And, actually, he is a lot of things from the other Houses as well because, really, what person can be reduced to just three or four traits and isn’t it a bit ridiculous that eleven year olds are just sorted into Houses and then basically conditioned to view themselves in a certain light throughout their formative years and–
Well, wait. We’re getting into Shitty.
im suddenly laughing at the idea of jack being offered baked goods from someone else and him just recoiling in horror because he could never ever cheat on bittle like that
#‘hey jack you want a muffin-’ #jack: *smacks it away* i have a boyfriend
Everybody, just STOP. Stop whatever you are doing and IMAGINE:
Alicia Zimmermann as the retired hockey legend married to Bob Zimmermann semi-famous actor/model.
First, Jack wouldn’t feel as overshadowed. Instead of being compared to his dad, a lot of the guys in the locker would have made fun of him or said crude things about his mom. Jack gets into a lot more fights in this universe, but he is just as talented.
Alicia knows how to nurture that without making him feel that’s the only thing he’s good for.
Alicia and Jack make fun of Bob’s terrible movies. He played a rookie in an 80’s classic cop TV show, and the two of them know the lines by heart. They spend holidays reenacting the worst scenes, and there’s a game where one of them yells strike a pose and do one of his ad campaigns. Alicia wins every time (she takes this very seriously and that’s how she got banned from two different supermarkets).
your fave is problematic: jack zimmermann
wuqs:
wuqs:
- “jif”
my personal headcanon is worse. he doesn’t pronounce it like /dʒ/ in jiffy or like /g/ in gift. no…this francophone asshole says /ʒɪf/ like the s in measure or g in genre. come the fuck on jaques
bitty is properly horrified
you are 100% right and that was exactly what I was thinking… can you believe I literally googled “french gif” and did research before posting this awful headcanon
I’m so glad that I could combine my abilities in French linguistics and check please shitposting
jack: “bitty, how do you post a jif on twitter?”
bitty: (absentmindedly) “I don’t know, I haven’t learned that word yet. What does it mean in English?”
bitty:
bitty: wait a diddly darn second
jack: hey bits look at this mème I found
bitty: honey no
Who wants to guess which one of Jack’s hockey uncles gifted him the pool table as a signing gift?
JFC I guess millionaires WOULD think that 500lb of slate was a casual thing to buy somebody.
“Did you hear about Bobby’s boy? He signed with the Falconers”
“Jack? Good kid, I’m glad he finally made it, Bob and Alicia must be so proud”
“Yeah and Providence is a good team. Think I’ll buy him a pool table to celebrate.”
“Great idea. Do you think he needs a TV?”
And this is why jack needed so many bedrooms. Probably at least two of them are full of “unreasonably large gifts from hockey legends”
I’d love a bullet-point or ficlet response, but anything’s fine – you’re a fabulous writer! Anyway, imagine Bad Bob Zimmermann taking to social media like a fish to water. Does he make puns of his nickname on twitter (like posting photos of Jack and himself with #DadBob or announcing good news with #GladBob) or make silly vines? Does he do #tbt stuff with photos of Alicia or his mama? Does he retweet all of Jack’s instagram pics or Eric’s tweets? What’s his twitter response to Jack coming out?
Okay, I’m going to tell you upfront that I have no idea what this is going to turn into. This is gonna be stream-of-conscious petals style because we stayed up way too late last night but then i woke up at 7 and thought about this ask and–
- I think the first thing to realize is that Bad Bob Zimmermann is the most extroverted extrovert to ever extrovert on this mortal plane. Bad Bob probably got into hockey because his parents had no idea what to do with his boundless energy and the fact that he literally never stopped talking ever and hockey (at 4 years old) seemed like a good way to try to work some of that energy out. Failing that, it at least made lil Bobby someone else’s problem for three hours a week (which then became an hour a day, and, look by the time he is like 8, they just let him hang out at the ice rinks the moment school is out because he knows all the staff by name and there is an endless cycle of other kids for him to play with and it’s a good system! sometimes he even sleeps!).
- And while Jack loves hockey for the game and, largely, to prove himself as an individual (until samwell and bitty), Bad Bob loves hockey for the people. Bad Bob took to being on a team like a fish to water and in peewee hockey, Bad Bob got so many penalties because he kept skating onto the rink to participate in cellys even when he was on the bench. (or in the penalty box! Dear, god, bob, you cannot– yup, he’s on the ice again. dammit.). Bad Bob just loves the feeling of being on a team and the connections you make with your teammates and the connections you make with the other team’s players and– look, part of the reason Bad Bob worked so hard at hockey is because leaving that team environment would kill him. (seriously, i bet bad bob has the worst time adjusting to life after the nhl. alicia is probably so worried.)
- Anyway, all this to say, that twitter is made for retired Bad Bob Zimmermann. Suddenly, he can talk to people all day long even if he is alone in his house or even if he is stuck at one of Alicia’s formal events and has to listen to speeches. You know how introverts sneak off at parties to read books on their phone in the bathroom (no? that’s just me?) – well Bad Bob sneaks off to reply to tweets (and text in his Groupme with all his old teammates).
- Of course, Bad Bob is still pretty freakin’ famous and his constant activity causes a stir and you know how carrie fisher is like the freakin’ twitter queen of the modern day? That’s Bad Bob Zimmermann. He is the Dad of twitter. He retweets funny things about himself and memes and, contrary to popular belief, he is not angling for a commentator or sports analyst job on Sports Illustrated so his filter is literally zero. BBZ is un-ironically the coolest dad ever.
- Let’s swing to Jack for a second. And I’m afraid I am going to be HELLA cheesey and talk about those 5 Love Languages. I think perhaps the primary miscommunication between Jack and BBZ is that they are not speaking the same love language at all. Bad Bob Zimmermann is literally all about verbal words of praise. With a side of physical touch. That is how Bad Bob gives love. He is alright with however people what to give love to him (to him, Alicia’s laughter at his bad jokes is love and when Jack takes the time to call him, he glows for days afterwards).
- However, the conflict is that that is not how Jack Zimmermann gives or recieves love. Jack Zimmermann works that Quality Time lifestyle. He wants someone to barge in his room and sit on his bed (Shitty), he wants someone to study with him for hours even if they are working on different projects (Bitty), he wants someone to sit with him for hours even if they say practically nothing the whole time (Lardo). When Jack Zimmermann tries to give love, gift-giving comes into play, but his natural state is Quality Time.
- And, unfortunately, that is the one thing that Bad Bob can’t give him. When Jack was growing up, Bad Bob was still away playing for huge chunks of time and then by the time he is retired and home, Jack is playing hockey for hours a day and then on the Q and then before either of them know it, Jack is off to Samwell.
what i do is not up to you 