The nice, expensive trail mix, with twelve kinds of nuts and the big sunflower seeds and dried fruits, the kind Tony only rarely left sitting on the common floors for everyone to get at, was gone.
Clint had been looking forward to that stuff all morning.
All the way through a hellish morning “jog” with Steve, all through Nat handing him his ass on the training mats, all through firing the same batch of misweighted arrows over and over so Tony could take scans and fix the design, he’d been thinking, when this is done I get to go upstairs and hang out on the couch and watch Dog Cops and eat the good trail mix, guilt-free.
And it was gone.
Clint was gonna shoot somebody.
Just as soon as he figured out who’d taken the trail mix.
kingofmemes posted:
yesterday i saw a sad duck in the park who kept getting picked on by the other ducks so today i brought some trail mix and we had a nice lunch together. also i think he might be the duck who pooped on sam last week. if so, he is officially my new best friend.
im still pissed off that birds get to spend their days flying about and cats get to sleep for 16 hours a day and im stuck dealing with capitalism and expectations
Imagine after Jack and Bitty come out, Jack posts a bunch of videos vlogging his morning surprise on his and Bitty’s anniversary on his Snapchat stories (which is basically old and dusty and unused because you know the guy only keeps the app for Bitty), and the videos go as follows:
1. The camera is too close to Jack’s face. There is shuffling in the background as Jack adjusts the angle until you realize the that Jack’s in his bedroom, and Bitty’s in a lump beside him, with covers up to his ears that’s drifting up and down to indicate his breathing.
Jack whispers to the camera, “I don’t make videos, that’s more Tater and Bits–Eric’s thing, but, um, it’s 5 AM on a Saturday, and today is our anniversary.”
2. About 20 seconds of Jack trying to leave the bed without disturbing Bitty. Bitty snorts about three times and you hear Jack catch his breath and freeze.
“I made it out of the bedroom. I’m going to make him breakfast in bed so, uh, hopefully that goes well and uhm…the kitchen doesn’t…catch on fire…not that it’s a possibility. I can make breakfast. Usually just eggs though.”
3. The kitchen is a mess. There is pancake batter and flour on the counter and a few floppy, pale prototypes in varying degrees of roundness in a pile on the island. The next shot is just Jack’s grimace.
“So Eric can make biscuits from scratch–actually, he can make a lot of things from scratch. So, uh, I’m trying to make pancakes from scratch, because Eric has banned Bisquick from the house…um, I got Maman’s recipe the other day, but it’s not going too well? I’ll clean up though, Eric won’t notice a thing.”
4. Throughout the cooking adventure, Jack manages to flip a pancake over without a spatula, and the camera records Jack’s pleased mumble of “Yesssssss.” He narrates a bit of college life and what he eats usually, but it’s mostly quiet with the occasional “Oh, God” when he accidentally knocks something over.
“Eric makes it look so easy. He used to bake pies all the time when we were in Samwell. I mean, he still does. Oh, and it’s 6:21. Still plenty of time….I used to wake Eric up at 4 in the morning for, um, checking practice. I think he’s always hated me a little for that. And this is karma getting back at me. I’m going to flip this now.“ The camera shows the pan again, and on this flip, the pancake lands on the edge of the skillet, mushy-side down. Jack uses his fingers to peel the pancake off and set it in the middle. “Oh, shi–no. I can fix this. Good as new.”
5. The final product is a nicely arranged meal of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon, with orange juice and coffee on the side. Everything is on the tray, and a vase of roses are next to it. Jack flips the camera over to give it a thumbs-up and a goofy smile.
“Done. Finally. The kitchen is intact, which is, um, always a good thing. I put a lot of creamer and sugar in the coffee, because Eric doesn’t like black coffee. It’s just sugar at this point, I think. Um, it is 7:02 on Eric’s day off from the bakery, so he usually sleeps in ‘til 10. Hopefully he doesn’t kill me for this.”
6. Back in the bedroom, Bitty is rubbing his eyes and squinting, his golden hair a mess and still cocooned in the safety of his blankets.
“Jack, honey, why are you up so early? Did you go jogging?” He yawns. “This is an ungodly hour, Lord, I don’t know how you do it.”
Jack’s voice comes through, soft and adoring, “Happy Anniversary, Bits.”
The video cuts off Bitty’s gasp when he notices the breakfast and flowers, “Oh, happy an–oh my God, Jack, you didn’t–?”
7. The last video is Bitty tucked under Jack’s chin, his face burrowed in the hollow of Jack’s throat. Jack is grinning like he just won a Stanley.
“He cried,” Jack says, like he’s proud.
“I did not,” Bitty’s muffled voice says. “You just surprised me.”
Jack presses a kiss to Bitty’s hairline and mumbles something. Bitty burrows in closer, if that is even possible. If Jack had been any louder, the viewers would’ve hear a low “I love you so much” in French.
– “hey nico can u cook 2night im really tired and i have a long shift” “ok sure” [proceeds to cook really really well, the best tortellini or smth] “nico what the fuck ive been making burnt ramen for the last six months.” “i thought it was cute idrc”
-“nico wake up” “i’ll wake up when im dead” “nico ple as e”
– “do these pants make my ass look good” “will youre not wearing pants” “exactly ;3” “how are you making that face what the fuck”
-“sometimes i think that if that werewolf bit u and u became a werewolf i would still like u but that would make me a furry” “will what the fuck”
-“im so sad obama’s leaving his presidency” “um lmfao who’s obama”
-“what are you eating will?” “my feelings” “christ”
-“god dammit” [gets decked] “do not take the lord’s name in vain” “nico what the fuck”
-“nico im sorry please speak to me in english again the italian is really intimidating and chiara wont translate”
-“wait you mean… benito mussolini is dead?” “yes” “thank fuck fascism sucked”
-“do u ever think about how cool going to space would be” “will ive been to hell i dont need to go anywhere that isnt the fucking surface of the earth”
-“will ur eyes are pretty” “[flustered] so is ur… freckle… right there…” “ok”
-“im gonna tickle you-!” “if u lay a hand anywhere near me i will break all the fingers from ur hand i promise”
-“i wish i was a tree” “why” “then i wouldnt have to listen to u talk about the femur bone so much” “wow okay i just thought it was interesting”
-“nico im gonna buy these light up sketchers” “dont” “nico im doing it” “please dont”
-“hey nico do you still like me” “ye” “no i mean do you like like me” “we’ve been dating for three years”
-“nico i baked u smth!! :D” “[crying] i… love it… its so [chokes] good…”
-“nico where have u been” “i saw a dratini on my radar and ive been trying to catch it” “youve been missing for three days”
what i do is not up to you 