Harry Potter AU in which Fred and George are in different houses and they steal and wear each others ties whilst doing stupid things in hope of the others house losing points
Tag: hp
Gryffindor: Hey, did you do the charms reading?
Ravenclaw: Pffftttt no
Gryffindor: But I thought you liked to read
Ravenclaw: Oh I LOVE to read! That’s why I stayed up reading about the history of broom production
Gryffindor: I’m not even surprised anymore
Lupin continued to stare at the map. Harry had the impression that he was doing some very quick thinking.
Headcanon that Orion and Walburga occasionally wrote to McGonagall to hear if their son was behaving.
The first few years McGonagall replied listing all incidents and pranks. Until she noticed how defeated and unhappy Sirius always looked when he returned after the holidays. (She could have sworn she saw bruises on his wrists one day).
So she changed tactics. She sent the Blacks detailed letters telling them how much Sirius had changed for the better and how well he was performing. And instead of telling his parents she called Remus into her office and told him everything Sirius had done hoping that he would have a good influence on the boy. This happened quite a lot so that one day when Remus was told to go see McGonagall in her office he just dropped the books he was holding and lifted his arms desperately yelling: “OMG, PADFOOT! WHAT IS IT NOW? WHO DID YOU KILL?”
When McGonagall ran into Sirius and Remus snogging in a deserted corridor in sixth year she nearly lost all hope. Remus was never called into her office again (at least not when it concerned Sirius). Instead someone else had to live with this burden. A very furious Lily Evans who one day climbed into the common room face red, a knive in her hand with James Potter following and trying to hold her back.
“SIRIUS MORON BLACK! JAMES MIGHT HAVE TAKEN MY WAND BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF MUGGLE WAYS TO KILL YOU! YOU WILL APOLOGISE TO THOSE THIRD YEARS OR SO HELP ME GOD!”
can we just agree that hermione doesn’t give two shits about throwing rocks in the water. she knows exactly what she’s doing bless her
nO BUT
FLICK
HE LITERALLY JUST TAUGHT HER WHAT SHE TAUGHT HIM IN THE FIRST BOOK
YO
SWISH AND FLICK
THIS IS THE CUTEST THING[SCREAMS OUT LOUD]
#anyone else love how he taught her the muggle version of it and she taught him the magic version#even though he’s a pureblood and she’s a muggle born (via Saffythegeek)
OH MY GOD
omg
SWEET BABY JESUS
Hot and bothered. I am HOT AND BOTHERED
Luna and Ginny
Hermione Granger: *comes from muggle world and discovers magic*
Hermione Granger: *witnesses humans transfigure into animals*
Hermione Granger: *time-travels multiple times per day*
Professor Trelawney: “I can prophesize the future.”
Hermione Granger: “Bullshit. That can’t be possible. Fuck you.”
#you gotta draw the line somewhere #you gotta draw the fucking line in the sand dude #you gotta make a statement #you gotta look inside yourself and say #what am i willing to put up with today #not fucking this
anyways hermione is a cutthroat bitch and her demonizing divination is due to the fact that she literally #cannot with emotional forms of magic. quidditch? which requires an emotional partnership of trust with the broom? nope. divination? which requires an emotional openness and willingness to forego logical conclusion at the whims of fate? are u fuckin kidding me. patronuses? which require not just technical skill but also a deep connection with your own emotional core? uhhhhh we’ll just let harry handle that one.
movie!hermione, w/ her advanced emotional intelligence and absolute willingness to meet each and every emotional need the boys have, should have of course been good at emotional magics like divination. shes fucking superwoman. but book!hermione? who destroyed a girls face without mercy because she ratted out the DA? who erased her parents memories so she could fight in a war? who solved dumbledores’ mysteries using ancient runes, an art that is practically the math of magic? book!hermione will destroy you and she will do it armed with the cold hard facts and the cold hard facts alone. book!hermione doesn’t give a shit. instead of getting a regular pet, book!hermione was drawn to a magical cat who is self-serving and intellectual and helped her gather clues rather than serving as an emotional companion. i mean fck.
full offense but hermione is so hardcore and logic-driven and she literally could give a SHIT about ur feelings
an incomplete list of the batshit insane things hermione’s done
-prioritized her education over her life
-instantly became ride or die with harry after the troll incedent
-set snape on fire
-brewed an illegal potion for two months in the girls’ bathroom
-turned into a furry
-immediate thought upon encountering a giant murdersnake was ‘better make sure the others find this page on my helpless petrified body bc god knows they won’t figure it out themselves’
-wanted to take finals after like a month in a magical coma
-traveled through time to get even more homework
-figured out lupin was a werewolf and didn’t tell anyone because he was a relatively competent teacher compared to magic ryan seacrest and literal voldemort
-essentially snatched trelawney’s weave gotdamn
-slugged draco malfoy, terrified him and his hulking buddies into running, went back in time to watch it again
-confronted a werewolf and his alleged mass murderer friend because, again, ride or die
-broke time travel laws in order to jailbreak azkaban escapee and his pet hippogriff
-dated an international sports star
-put up with all the vile shit rita skeeter wrote about her
-joined secret order dedicated to fighting voldemort
-put up with harry’s shit
-imprisoned a woman in a jar for months, blackmailed her into doing what she wanted
-formed and organized secret defense class, peer pressured harry into leading it
-permanently disfigured the girl who ratted them out. snitches get stitches.
-manipulated the shit out of umbridge
-basically left her to rot in the forbidden forest
-went to fight death eaters with like six of her mates despite her misgivings (RIDE. OR. DIE.)
-immediately agreed to destroy the dark lord’s soul with her buddies despite not having any idea how (RIDE! OR! DIE!)
-mind wiped her parents and made them go to australia to keep them safe
-essentially singlehandedly kept harry and ron alive and functional for the majority of the deathly hallows
-wore the locket while still managing not to be a shithead
-got the shit tortured out of her by bellatrix lestrange. didn’t go insane.
-fought in the battle of hogwarts. didn’t die.
-was unfailingly loyal and did everything she could to keep harry safe for seven years, even when he was quite frankly being a jackass
i have a lot of secret hermione headcanons like. she was insufferable at muggle school as well and generally not well liked. she was the girl whose parents were both dentists and she read too many books and tried to talk to people in her class about them but they generally thought she was trying to show off. so when she gets into hogwarts she throws herself into the new culture and reads as many books as her parents will pay for, including her text books and several history books and when her parents refuse to buy the unabridged history of magic and also some legends, she seriously considers hiding out in flourish and blotts so she can just read it in the bookstore. but she wears her robes around the house and sends about forty letters to hogwarts asking questions about the school year and the course load and how the grading scale works and if they’re very sure they’ve told her everything she’s going to need. and her parents are worried about her but they had been already? because she has such a hard time making friends. and they hope she’ll be able to make friends at hogwarts.
the first letter she sends them is full of descriptions of the castle and the sorting and background information on gryffindor and she mentions that she met neville and he’s very sweet, and the classes are so interesting, and she loves them very much! and the next few are also like that and kind of strained. and they suspect (correctly) that she again does not have friends.
a couple weeks into november, she sends them a letter full of complaints about ron’s study habits and how he’s teaching her wizard chess and how both he and harry are very brave but also not very good students. and she tells them about hagrid, who is eight and a half feet tall and the nicest person she has ever met.
they stop worrying as much until they get a letter at the end of term saying that hermione has broken about 20 school rules and also congratulations your daughter scored over 100% on almost every exam.
This made me have a lot of feels?
tbh the most unrealistic thing in harry potter is when mrs weasley in the first book asks “now what’s the platform number?”
like this woman has been going to that school for seven years and then dropped kids off on the same place for nearly ten like why on earth would she forget the platform number
I still have the headcanon that Molly BAMF Weasley saw a scrawny underfed child with an owl who had no idea where he was going and looked lost and confused and was like, “Ah, yep, new son.” but didn’t want to scare him by outright approaching and asking if he needed help so she was just like, “MUGGLES, MUGGLES EVERYWHERE! DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE PLATFORM NUMBER TO WIZARD SCHOOL IS? WHAT’S THAT? NINE AND THREE QUARTERS? OH, YES, THAT’S RIGHT. THE PLATFORM NUMBER IS N I N E A N D T H R E E Q U A R T E R S!”
Of course seeing as how Harry isn’t the most observant bloke, she probably ushered her kids past him fifty times as different ones screamed the platform number until they finally got his attention.
With that being said, and I’m extremely sorry for taking over your post:
11:45:
They had just enough time to make it onto the platform, get their trunks loaded, and say their goodbyes. Molly ushered them all along, wishing that she could just Apparate them all onto the train and be done with it. There was too much to do, too much to say, too m—
All at once, she screeched to a halt. Percy crashed into her, causing the twins to snicker.
A tiny boy was being crossly turned away by a security guard. A boy whose ribs poked through his baggy shirt, whose glasses were broken, whose jaw was trembling as he tried to find his way. Well, surely she could be the person to guide him there? And did he…? Yes! He had an owl! He was one of them!
The poor child; he looked so lost.
Where were his parents?
Never mind, never mind. She would see to it that he would get on the train. But she had to be careful. She couldn’t startle him. He’d run off and that would be the end of it. No, no, they had to be crafty.
11:47 AM:
“Packed with Muggles of course,” Molly said loudly, ushering her very confused children past the boy. “What’s the platform number again?”
“Nine and three quarters,” Percy said. “Mother, how could you have forg—?”
It was George who nudged him as he understood what she was doing. She had done it before, after all, and she would do it again.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work.
The boy didn’t seem to notice them.
11:48 AM:
“Packed with Muggles of course,” said Molly again, marching her children past once more. “What’s the platform number?”
“Nine and three quarters,” Fred and George screamed in unison.
And still the boy remained lost.
11:49 AM:
“Mum,” Ron panted, tripping over himself as he ran to keep up with her. “Slow down!”
Molly ignored him as she practically flew past the poor boy. “Packed with Muggles of course! Now, what’s the platform number?”
“Nine and three quarters,” Ron bellowed.
11:50 AM:
Molly honestly didn’t care if her entire family missed the train and she had to set off across the UK herself like a mother leading a flock of ducklings: she was going to help this boy onto the bloody train.
She marched past him with a fiery determination and said, “Packed with Muggles of course!”
The boy looked up.
Yes! Okay, this was it, this was it, this was it. Play it cool. He was following them. Listening. Pretending not to.
They stopped.
“Now,” Molly said. “What’s the platform number?”
“Nine and three quarters,” piped Ginny.
Victory!
The next nine minutes were a whirlwind of chaos but they managed to get the boy through the barrier. At Molly’s insistence, Fred and George popped up and helped him get his trunk into the compartment. She handed Ron an extra sandwich and muttered, “Tell him that everywhere else was full.”
He dutifully nodded.
As the train took off, she waved to her children, including her newest one.
Bristling with pride, she began to head back to the Burrow. There was simply no time to waste. She had a jumper to knit.
I’m not crying you’re crying
what i do is not up to you 