notallwerewolves:

elvenclub:

notallwerewolves:

accio-shitpost:

arthur weasley, aka the world’s biggest muggleboo who probably larps as an office worker on the weekends

officemaster: you have… *rolls dice* successfully transferred the call to your boss’ voicemail! you hear the distant ringing of the fellytone from the inner office for a moment before the machine picks up, securely delivering the regional manager’s message to its intended recipient.

arthur weasley: *pumps fist in air, high-fives xenophilius lovegood*

sirius black: is it my turn yet?

officemaster: no.

xenophilius lovegood: i search the supply closet for binder clips.

officemaster: *rolls dice* you find a small cardboard box with three binder clips in it, but in the process of retrieving it from the high shelf, you knock a bottle of toner off. it hits your left pinky toe. *rolls dice* you lose 1 HP.

xenophilius lovegood: best fetch quest EVER.

sirius black: so is it my turn now?

officemaster: no, shut up. remus?

remus lupin: wait, is arthur still at the front desk?

arthur weasley: yeah

remus lupin: i approach the front desk. *clears throat* “Hello, Shirley. Were there any messages for me while I was out?”

arthur weasley: “Yes, Mr. Crumplebottom. Phillip Smythe from home office called about your business trip. I put him through to your voicemail.”

remus lupin: “Good work! Thank you very much. I shall remeber this come time for your Christmas bonus.”

sirius black: is it my turn yettt???

officemaster: merlin’s balls man, yes, it’s your turn

sirius black: i attempt to seduce the visiting sales representative

remus lupin: what? you can’t do that

sirius black: sure i can, i have like 25 charisma points

remus lupin: but we’ve all got the casual friday modifier right now, and if you get a sexual harassment lawsuit we can’t advance to the next meeting until the litigation phase is over

sirius black: i’m chaotic neutral, what were you expecting?

remus lupin: besides, arthur’s receptionist character found out she was married in the last session, remember? you would have to roll a natural 20

arthur weasley: hey, no metagaming–sirius’ character wasn’t there at the time, he was trapped in the fax machine

xenophilius lovegood: i still don’t think that’s how fax machines actually work

officemaster: sirius?

sirius black: yeah, arthur’s right, i couldn’t have known about that. *shrugs* i attempt to seduce her.

remus lupin: oh my god i hate you so much right now

sirius black: get bent lupin

remus lupin: you wish

sirius black: i don’t have to

officemaster: *rolls dice* *winces*

sirius black: what? what happened?

Yeah! What happened?!

Sirius botched both his action and his save. His character was fatally bear-maced in the face. Remus’ character was forced to spend an entire session on sensitivity training for his remaining employees. Sirius returned in the following session as a dual-class IT guy and paladin. 

alrightanakin:

James Potter is the guy who was kind of a dick when he got to high school but cleaned up his act by junior year and went on to become a human rights lawyer with the ACLU because he knew he could make more of a difference fighting for what’s right instead of getting into schoolyard brawls

Severus Snape is the guy who thinks that just because you’ve been friends for years you’ll eventually have sex with him and then after you drop him like a hot potato because hes been spending too much time on 4chan and reddit and started hanging out with guys who make racist and sexist remarks and then say “it’s just a joke!!” only for him to call you a slur in front of the whole school he joins a white supremacist group with his new buds and starts harassing women and minorities online and then in public and then is arrested for planning to shoot up a women’s college only to get off because he’s a white guy and now he teachers at your old high school

drst:

runwithskizzers:

notjustanyboggs:

hungerofhades:

cdrcdiggory:

a Not Happy thought: the “you look so much like your father"s die off as harry gets older. by the time he’s thirty, he begins to miss it.

Implying both that people who remember James Potter are dead and that James Potter did not get to be old.

Harry Potter ran a hand through his hair, staring at his reflection in the lift doors. Was it him or was it beginning to thin?

Ginny used to tease him about it, when he nervously ran his hands over it out of old habits, saying he’d rub himself bald. She didn’t tease him about it now, though, which might mean it was actually happening.

He sighed; how old his reflection had gotten. The years passed and he knew that well enough, but each reflective surface still came at a bit of a shock.

He remembered the first time he looked in a regular mirror and saw his father staring out. Not approximations of his father, not the oft-comment of “you look just like James” from some adult, but actually looked in the mirror and saw the same man he knew from photographs.

And he remembered when he looked in the mirror and his father was gone and he was back to approximations. Looking like James Potter never had a chance to.

It was a morbid way of counting birthdays. This year I’m older than my father got to be. This year older than Remus and Snape. This year older than Sirius. In a few years he would be older than Alastor Moody.

No one ever said he looked like his father anymore.

The doors opened onto the floor for The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. The Department had two settings: chaos when some magical mishap had to be brought in to be dealt with, and silence when everyone was off tackling the mishap in person. Today was the latter but that was fine. It was James’ turn on desk duty, which was the reason he’d come down, brown bags in hand. It was the only time he could ever seem to wrangle his oldest son for lunch.

Only when he got to the desk, a young witch – a child who hardly looked old enough to be at Hogwarts much less to have graduated from it – smiled up at him.

“Mr. Potter! I have a message for you from your son. They had a catastrophe that really needed his expertise so he had to go.”

Harry gave a small smile. “You’re new, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Just started last month.”

“Ah. First thing you should know is to never believe James Potter, especially when it comes to desk duty. He’ll do anything to get out of desk duty.”

She gave a smile you would give to an elderly relative doling out advice. “I will remember that next time.”

Oh well, if he was playing the role already, might as well commit. “And don’t let him push you around or beg off. He’ll always have a good reason but you’ve earned your field time like anyone else. And since I brought it down, you can have his lunch.”

That got a laugh as she took the bag. “Thank you. You’re welcome to join me…?”

He waved her off. “No, no, I have paperwork to deal with anyway. But thank you.”

He was about to turn back when she spoke.

“Y’know, it’s remarkable. I would’ve known who you were from a mile off.”

Harry raised an indulgent eyebrow. Four decades had dimmed people’s immediate recognition of him as The-Boy-Who-Lived, especially among the younger crowd, but it was hardly an uncommon occurrence. Still, he acted as if he didn’t know what she meant. “Oh?”

“Oh yes. You look so much like James.”

Time seemed to stop after her words. He didn’t breathe or blink, everything paused in a moment of both newness and familiarity.

Then it was done but the weight of his shoulders had eased a little bit and he gave a brief but genuine smile. Then he laughed. “Don’t say that to him; he’d be mortified.”

“I’ll remember that if he tries to put me on desk duty again then,” she teased.

Harry chuckled and waved and got back on the lift. When the doors closed and he saw himself again, he decided it didn’t really matter much if his hair was thinning. He could do with less of it anyway.

this is lovely

That went somewhere far happier than I expected it to go, whew!

Transfiguration Class

McGonagall: now class, what is the difference between an animagus and a werewolf?
Sirius: *raises hand*
McGongall: yes Mr. Black?
Sirius: an animagus has better hair
Remus: *raises hand* well werewolves are taller
Remus: generally speaking
Sirius: *raises hand* WELL animagi have better bodies!
James: *raises hand* I second that and I also second that they have better hair
Remus: *raises hand* well werewolves don’t have the time or energy to style their hair for 20 minutes, particularly around the full moon!
Peter: *raises hand* plus, werewolves don’t sing obnoxiously in the shower
Class:……
Sirius: animagi are sexier
James: yeah!
McGonagall: …..while I appreciate the compliments, those were not the answers I was looking for