Happy 1st of September!
19 years later is today!
Tag: harry potter
snapchat, insta, and quidditch=games that gryffindor just can’t lose.
amazing illos & hilarz captions created exclusively for SparkNotes by the awesome @sasmilledge
fred and george once spent months brewing up a batch of polyjuice potion
they used it to change lee jordan into looking identical to them, and wandering around hogwarts as usual
at least twelve different gryffindors had to go see madam pomfrey that day, they got so stressed out
what’s the betting that potterwatch was just a radio project lee jordan was doing in his spare time and never actually stopped after the war
“Harry Potter was spotted at the local farmers market today, good choices in produce Harry! Gotta love the organics”
he’s the only reporter harry will talk to other than giving official statements when he has to as an auror
“I’m speaking to Harry Potter today after the long-awaited conclusion of the trial of quadruple murderer Waldorfus Grenoble. Harry, may I ask you a question regarding the trial?”
“Sure, Lee, I have to be back at work in ten but give it a go.”
“What is in the curry you had for lunch yesterday during the recess? It smelled fantastic and I have to know.”
“Thanks for asking, Lee. I’ve recently come across a book of my great-grandmother Priyanka’s notes on her Punjabi cooking and I’ve been trying to recreate her food. I liked that one but Ginny said it was too sweet so I’m making adjustments.”
“Fantastic. Great stuff. Next up we have an update on You-Know-Who’s whereabouts. Not Voldemort obviously– he’s six feet under, it’s been around 2500 days now and he’s still going strong, no sign of him being not dead any time soon.”
“You’re correct, Lee, he’s dead as a doornail and he’s going to stay that way. You do realize you don’t need to refer to your infant daughter as ‘You-Know-Who,’ right?”
“Sophie starts screaming if either of her dads talks about her and we don’t know why. Any suggestions, and any idea where she is now?”
“Oliver was walking her up and down the hallway outside the World Cup Regulatory Office last I saw her. As for the screaming, with James we gave him the miniature dragon from the Triwizard in ‘94 and that entertained him pretty well.”
“You heard it here first folks, Harry Potter thinks dragons are an appropriate substitute for pacifiers! Thanks for your time, Harry.”
“Any time, Lee.”
“Next week’s password is anything that will make our six-month-old go to sleep for longer than four hours. Signing off, this has been Potterwatch with River and the man himself, Harry Potter.”
If The Marauders were Still Alive (headcannons)
(In response to an ask)
-If they were still alive…
•When Harry got his Hogwarts letter James immediately ripped it open without even showing it to Harry because he was just so excited for his son. Without even acknowledging Harry’s presence or Lily’s laughter, he just sits cris-crossed on the floor making little comments about Harry’s school supply list.
“What? You don’t have to read {insert book title}. It was the best! Don’t worry Harry, you can borrow my old copy, though it may have some old doodles in it from Sirius-”
•When Harry is really young he thinks that they have a dog because whenever Sirius is over he turns into his Animagus form and he’s over at the Potters’ so much that it’s kinda hard not to think that.
And James, Lily, Remus and Peter go along with it and one dayJames brings home a bright pink glittery dog collar and asks little Harry to put it on ‘Snuffles’. Harry does it and even though Sirius hates it, he keeps it on because he loves Harry so much (Remus like it too, but for *coughs* other reasons).
•When Harry turns eleven and has to go to Diagon Alley, It’s not just James and Lily that take him shopping, it’s the whole damn Marauders squad. They’re just casually walking through the streets and suddenly someone starts clapping for them, and then more people join in and it turns into just the whole street clapping for the Marauders because most of them remember hearing tales about what the group did, and many parents were friends of theirs.
Needlessly to say James and Sirius take a dramatic bow while Remus and Lily are looking at each other like
“These are the people we chose to marry”
And Peter is just laughing along and buying Harry a chocolate frog off of a street witch while Harry asks him why all those people are clapping for them. Peter just chuckles and goes “We had a bit of a reputation at school”
•When Harry goes into Madam Malkin’s and sees Draco, James immediately steps in front of his son as if to protect him.
“What’s wrong, Dad?”
“There’s a Malfoy there… can’t mistake him. I remember his father-”
But then Lily comes over and whispers in his ear
“Remember Sirius’s parents? They were awful people but look how Sirius turned out?” They look out the shop window to see Sirius with his arm around Remus’s shoulders sitting on a bench in conversation with Peter.
“You’re right”
And James himself introduces Harry to Draco, and the two immediately hit it off.
•Just before Harry is about to leave for Hogwarts, the Marauders get together (without Lily, because she’d definitely disapprove) and tell Harry all the stories they can. Harry just sits there in wonder like
‘How will I ever live up to that’
But at the end of the night, James goes and gets a box out of his room and puts it in Harry’s hands.
“This is yours now. Use it well.”
Harry opens the box and it’s the invisibility cloak. Remus then takes the Marauder’s Map out and shows Harry how to use it, then hands it over (“use it responsibly”)
•When Harry comes home for winter break he talks about how great Gryffindor is and his best friends Ron and Hermione, but also about Draco from Slytherin and how he has “the prettiest hair and his eyes sparkle-” and Remus and Sirius just give each other knowing looks.
And he’s about to say something else after talking about his classes but hesitates; everyone asks him about it, but he denies everything.
•He goes back to school after winter break and some time after his second Quidditch match as the youngest seeker in a century, one morning at breakfast he gets a howler.
He knows fully well what it is because he grew up in a house with the Marauders who liked to send them back and forth for fun-
“WILL YOU PASS THE SALT?”
“I CAN’T THROW PETER THAT FAR!”
But anyway, he gets one and looks at his friends and then at Draco across the hall because he’s absolutely terrified an doesn’t know what he did. Eventually (with much convincing) he opens it.
“HARRY JAMES POTTER! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THAT YOU MADE THE QUIDDITCH TEAM?
YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE SO PROUD OF YOU HOLY SHI-” and then it’s Lily’s voice.
“Harry, sweetie we’re so proud of you! You must’ve gotten some of James’s talent-” (you can hear James going crazy in the background; knocking stuff over and generally screaming like a psychopath) “where James got his, I have no idea”
And then it’s just Remus, Sirius and Peter going crazy (yes, even Moony).
When it finally ends, the great hall just sits stunned for a moment, before Dumbledore starts slow clapping and everyone joins in. All the teachers are just rolling their eyes because they definitely remember the Marauders. About 5 seconds later the Potters’ owl flies in with a new Nimbus 2000 and a note that says ‘Don’t tell your mother’
•Harry bringing Draco home in their 5th year to meet his parents over Christmas break, and when he goes home Harry has to remind his parents and uncles that “No, we aren’t dating! That’s absolutely absurd!” And everyone just looking at each other like ‘yeah, sure kid’
•Harry choosing to be a pro Quidditch player as his profession after admitting to his parents that he snuck out one night with Ron, Hermione and Draco to go try out for Puddlemore United because they had just lost their seeker and he made the team.
And James and Sirius crying with pride because their little Harry is going to be a world famous Quidditch player.
“There won’t be a person alive who doesn’t know his name” James said while ruffling his son’s hair.
•Harry in his 6th year asking Remus when he knew he was gay and coming out to Moony and Padfoot as Bi and both of them going
“Yeah, we know”
And Harry just looking so surprised and then telling them that he and Draco started dating in October and that he wanted to have him for Christmas but didn’t want to tell his dad why, and James (who was under the invisibility cloak)
“Yeah, sure he can come. But no sex after 11 pm.”
And Harry screaming like a girl from surprise and then sputtering like an idiot in response to the sex comment.
•Peter taking Harry to honeydukes before he was allowed to go with his school and Peter just completely spoiling him and buying so much that they can hardly get it home.
They sneak through the house to get to Harry’s room but meet James in the middle, who of course joins them.
They open the door to Harry’s room just to find Remus and Lily sitting on the bed with the most bored expressions on their faces. Harry looks down in shame and drops all the candy on the floor, but Lily just raises an eyebrow and goes
“Well? Aren’t you going to share?” An everyone eating their fill of candy just on Harry’s bed, and Sirius taking all the good stuff and running from the room and everyone chasing him around the house.
•When Harry turns seventeen the Marauder’s teach him to become an Animagus (and get registered). James is incredibly proud when he turns out to have a stag Animagus form as well.
Draco being terrified because he walks into Harry’s room over summer break and there’s a fucking deer casually chilling on his boyfriend’s bed like what
And Ron riding on Harry’s back to make a stupidly grand entrance picking Hermione up from her house in the middle of a muggle neighborhood
•Just the Marauders being alive please and thank you
maybe it’s…. subtle.
wakeupontheprongssideofthebed:
I still laugh when I think about the fact that the Ministry of Magic employs people to come up with explanations for magic-related incidents for Muggles.
I need a mockumentary in the style of Parks & Rec about the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee sitting around a table brainstorming excuses as a floating quill and roll of parchment record everything. The Muggleborns on the committee constantly look into the camera like they’re on The Office.
I don’t think you understand how much I want to be magical just so I could work for this office
“Oh yes, ma’am, you were hallucinating. Giants don’t exist.”
“No, no, you simply saw a man riding a horse, don’t be preposterous. A man can’t be a horse.”
“Come now, be reasonable. Everybody knows a Ford Anglia can’t… can’t fly…… Excuse me, I need to call a colleague of mine to ask him about, ah, something entirely unrelated.”
Addition: imagine being the cousin of a muggle-born wizard or witch who works for this office. You work at HuffPo or CNN and every so often you get a text saying “just say it was northern lights”
and your stress migraine kicks in, because whatever just happened, it’s definitely not going to pass for northern lights
hogwarts memes
– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagallwhy
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
It’s been exactly a decade since the release of the final Harry Potter book!
Minerva Mcgongall pulled out her notebook and turned to the page that listed the names and details of that years Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her heart swelling with pride she jotted down the name “Harry Potter” next to the position “Seeker” before closing the book and opening a second drawer. She took out a small, wooden box and rummaged in it for a few seconds before withdrawing a worn out envelope, inside of which was a short letter and a photograph.
“Dearest Minnie,
Hope you’re doing well! I’m the same of course, driving Lily up the wall as usual, she sends you her love by the way!
Now I know I told you that you’ll never find a chaser as good as me ever again, but it just goes to show that even the brilliant are sometimes mistaken. I’ve found you (made you!) a replacement who will one day outshine his old man by leagues! Enclosed is a photograph of your new Quidditch prodigy so that you may assess his skills for yourself. We have him chasing the cat for practice. He’ll be unbeatable by the time he starts at Hogwarts! The youngest Quidditch player in a century!
I guarantee it, Minnie. And you know I’m never wrong, though you’ll never admit it!
Missing you and Hogwarts terribly,
Lots of love,
James
P.S. Sirius says his marriage proposal still stands.”
Wiping away a single tear that ran down her cheek and chuckling to herself, she smiled down at the photograph of a small, gleeful, black haired boy zooming along in a toy broom, a pair of legs chasing after him and a young woman laughing hysterically in a corner.
“Right again, Mr. Potter.”