I just saw @officialoislane post about a au of Clark’s ship ending on Themyscira and I love it if need it like I need blood in my body. I also added younger Clark and Diana being the usual siblings and beating each other while their mom isn’t looking.
It’s often been remarked that Spider-Man’s schtick wouldn’t work nearly so well if he didn’t live in a town with so many tall buildings, but consider: how well would Batman’s “I am the night” routine work if he was operating out of a normal city where people actually live, rather than a perpetually twilit urban hellscape that looks like the Art Deco movement had a one-night stand with Soviet Brutalism in a wrought-iron-and-gargoyle factory?
That is my favorite description of the Batman aesthetic ever.
OMDFG that’s a perfect description.
Imagine Spiderman ballooning in wide open areas. No, sorry, can’t get to that crime, its against the prevailing wind.
Also, Batman brooding on top of a Wafflehouse.
Batman: God, this stupid city with its sufficient lighting and lack of crumbling infrastructure to shoot grappling hooks into
Superman: Everyone for miles has lead poisoning, I’ve spent the entire night stopping crossword puzzle museum robberies and heists at the Second National Bank of Gotham on the corner of second street and second avenue, and earlier the wall of…clouds? smog?…cleared up for a minute and I’m pretty sure the sky was literally blood red
Edward Nygma. he’s smart, he’s polite like 70% of the time, he knows how to dress for his coloring, he’s killed relatively few people, please marry the nice riddle boy Bruce
Ivy. stylish, classy, committed to green energy. unfortunately way out of your league
Jervis Tetch. listen, I know you don’t get along but please let me have another British person in this family I feel so alone. plus witty, well-read, smarter than most of our current R&D department
Harvey Dent + Harv. Harv brings the ranking down but I think most of Gotham is already psychologically prepared for you to marry Harvey. you two are obvious. I actually still have a wedding planned from back in the day so we’d save time on that
Harley Quinn. Loud, terrifying, but also miraculously good at getting along with everyone she meets. together, she and Bruce Wayne would be an unstoppable force of social likability
Jonathan Crane. objectively a bad decision, likely to face backlash from the press. he has no social skills. however, he likes my cooking and you could probably just give him the keys to the Wayne library and it would be an effortlessly happy marriage. we could work with this
Waylon Jones. He seems… nice. A bit rough around the edges, but I’m sure we could eventually find a suit that fits him. shares your love of hiding out in deep, dank places even when there are objectively much nicer places to be had
Jack Napier. Ranked this low due to personal feeling and appearing on this list at all because I know you’re thinking it, Bruce. but please. no
Selina Kyle. Would steal our silver and be off the next morning. Rather certain that she’s a lesbian
I know you’re still thinking about the Joker but Bruce please consider the feelings of your butler slash father figure and reconsider
he calls me the Bat-ler and doesn’t appreciate any of my cooking and you can’t take him anywhere public
Talia. you know she’s just going to stab you again, Bruce
in superman adventures #19, there’s a villain named multi-face who can convincingly disguise himself as anyone, even tricking dna tests and x-ray vision. Superman initially can’t stop him
and the only reason he gets caught is because multiface decides to disguise himself as, of all people, CLARK KENT i’m screaming
why do villains always mess up so badly
Clark Kent attending Bruce Wayne’s yacht party where Bruce told Clark to wear his clothes and……
Ta-Da!
Sard borken
calling the people at the party Bruce’s “fake friends” as if he’s Bruce’s only real friend and he’s low key jealous
DC fans: Other heroes are just so unrelatable. Batman’s a human, so it’s easier to relate to him and his struggles.
Bruce Wayne: Is $85 enough to buy breakfast cereal or do I need more
Bruce Wayne: Clark, we have to meet and discuss the threat of– what do you mean you’re at “””work”””? Just leave.
Bruce Wayne: Dick, what do you mean your school didn’t have a yacht club? You must be mistaken
Bruce Wayne: Walmart, what is that, is that a town or a person
In Gotham Adventures #35, Bruce is made part of a jury for the court case of a man that was apprehended by Batman.
And he just fuckin. He Does That
What seems to keep his cover isn’t secrecy (though there’s plenty of it), but instead just how absolutely outrageous the idea is. Bruce Wayne??Batman??? Puh-lease. I mean, have you seen the guy? Sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s far too busy having people run WE for him and going on pleasure cruises to be Batman. I mean, really.
(Good thing nobody notices the cool symbolic silhouette deal he’s got going on there.) It’s likely become something akin to the ‘Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer’ joke, (check out this post) and Bruce often just feeds it, making it even easier to get away with. It’s fucking hilarious.
I swear Bruce gets away with it because everyone assumes he’s Gotham’s answer to Bobby Newport. Imagine Bobby Newport as Batman. And you kind of get it.
what i do is not up to you 