fandomstookmylife:

violacakes:

violacakes:

rushingsnowy:

a–mellifera:

airplanesandcookies:

airplanesandcookies:

Based on these tweets:

3/18/2015 12:53:40  That moment when a massive football player corners you in the dining hall to tell you good luck on the playoffs “you guys are champs”
3/18/2015 12:55:45  file under: things 7th grade Eric Bittle would not expect to happen

It is my firm belief that a good number of the Samwell Football Team has a crush on Bitty.  When inevitably a new player falls for our favoritie #15, he has to take a picture with another teammate holding bunny ears behind his head.  

Later in the hockey season when football is over, there is an entire section that is informally reserved for the football players who come to every home game.

Because seriously, the more I think about, I’m even more convinced.

This football player cornered Bitty to congratulate him – Bitty who was complaining that people still don’t realize he plays hockey.

This player knows who Bitty is. Knows that Bitty is a starting player. And as much as we can tell from a tweet, is fanboying all over Bitty.

This is so deliberate!

A bunch of the football players go running regularly. One day in spring, they decide to change up their usual route, and the new one takes them past the Haus. Holster and Bitty are out on the lawn, tossing a beat-up football back and forth, and just as the football players draw up to them Bitty throws an absolute beaut of a pass, just the right amount of spin on it; it soars way past Holster (who’s too busy shouting hot nonsense about how Bitty is full witchcraft to try and catch it anyway). Luckily, one of the football guys (let’s call it the Quarterback cuz lol that’s the only one I know) catches the ball out of sheer reflex, though. Realising what he just saw, he stops dead in the middle of the street, struggling not to let his jaw hit the floor or his dick – well. And Bitty’s just there, in his tiny fucking shorts and a tank top that really covers almost nothing, laughing and chirping and apologising for his massive oaf of a D-man, and that’s how Samwell’s Quarterback falls head over heels in love with Eric R. Bittle.

Except he’d never *say* anything because that Zimmermann guy is a scary motherfucker, watching the whole thing from a deck chair, glaring at QB (let’s call him TJ) so hard that TJ’s surprised he hasn’t caught fire yet.

This becomes so much better when you remember Jack was the one to chase the football team out of the Haus with a fire extinguisher at the previous year’s epikegster and if TJ is the starting QB, he was definitely a part of the team last year.

Ah but for Bitty’s Junior year, Jack isn’t around so much to glare and scare off those lovelorn football players (I strongly believe that TJ isn’t the only one with a crush, it’s definitely a pattern). Bitty gets asked out by more football players this year than in his entire life to date.

“Where were all these strapping, well-built young men when I was single???”

After the 8th one walks away heartbroken, Jack decides that they need to push up the timetable of coming out as a couple.

Georgia: I thought you had a three year plan…

Jack: I need this to happen faster. The football team is very attractive this year, I can’t risk it. One of them might figure out about the ‘ask him to help you bake’ strategy. 

I just had another thought to add to this:

You know how the soccer team are famously the only team gayer than Samwell Men’s Hockey?

Now I’m just imagining the entire soccer team just happening to be “practicing” at exactly the time that Bitty goes for his morning run, and as he goes past they all let out a heavy sigh in unison.

One time Chowder and Farmer were at a party in the soccer house, and spotted a picture of Bitty cut out from the Swallow, decorated with glitter and tiny pie stickers with the inscription “Life Goal #1: Marry A Man Who Can Bake”. There’s list next to it documenting every soccer player who asked Bitty out, with points given for how politely he turned them down.

Farmer discreetly snaps a copy of this on her phone and saves it for the appropriate occasion which, as it turns out is the Zimbits wedding. There are like 7 Best Man speeches, but Chowder’s beats out Shitty’s and Kent’s for applause because he gets to tell the “how the soccer team were all in love with Bitty” story.

Jack immediately asks Lardo to make him a YO MARRY A MAN WHO CAN BAKE t-shirt and she has sketched out the design on a napkin before the cake is even served.

The ten year college reunion is just a crushing affair for every gay man who ever met Eric Bittle.

imaginethehaus:

From 555-555-1234:
Can you believe this traffic, bro?

Holster checks his phone, then he checks the number again. He doesn’t recognize it.

To 555-555-1234:
Who’s this?

From 555-555-1234:
Behind you, bro!

Holster turns in his seat to peak through the paint on his back window to look at the car behind him.

A bright smile in a handsome face beamed at him from an older gray Honda Accord. 

From 555-555-1234:
You’ve got your number on your window!

And…that is true. Holster’s driving his dad’s old pickup truck back home for Thanksgiving. He’d taken it to school after his Nissan had crapped out on him. His dad had told him to try and sell it so that they could get a down payment for a safer car with better gas mileage. Holster had decided to go with the tried and true driving advertisement. It’s limited success so far meant he was planning to set up a craigslist ad when he got home for the break.

To 555-555-1234:
I do
You interested in buying man?

From 555-555-1234:
…………

To 555-555-1234:
LOL
So you just hit me up to chat?

From 555-555-1234:
I mean….
We’ve been at a standstill for like 15 min
And I need some sort of distraction from the hunger pains
I did NOT pack enough snacks for this

Holster laughs. This is maybe the weirdest thing to happen to him on a road trip, but the traffic has been maddening and – while it’s a bit hard to tell in the dimming light – Chatty looks cute.

To 555-555-1234:
Alright – how about them Falconers?

As it turns out this was just the right question to ask. Chatty (who goes by Ransom) happens to play intramural hockey at Samwell. He has a LOT of feelings about Alexei Mashkov.

From Ransom:
HE LIFTED KENT PARSON WITH ONE ARM!
Come on, bro!
On ice!

From Holster:
Yes, acknowledged, lol
He’s a specimen 

From Ransom:
Mmm, yes, bro
Specimen!

From Holster:
So you’ve got a type 😉

From Ransom:
Tall, broad defensemen – hell yes

From Holster:
Huh
Good to know

So, you follow SMH at all?

The traffic chooses then to let up and allow them to move, which is maybe for the best. Holster’s not 100% sure what he’s doing (not that it’s stopped him from doing much else in his life), but he’s got some butterflies going and he hasn’t had those since. Well, since, March.

x

From Ransom:
Ok – favorite Disney song?

The traffic’s stalled back out again and Ransom’s been hitting him with a lightening round of 21 questions.

From Holster:
Easy
Hakuna Matata

From Ransom:
Gah!
Did you have to mention food, bro??
I’m starving!

From Holster:
Bruh
Slugs? The tangential mention of bugs has upset you?

From Ransom:
1. The use of three + syllable words – hot
2. I’m THAT hungry

Holster drums his fingers against his steering wheel and eyes the bag full of candy and jerky, protein bars he’d stocked up on before getting on the highway. On one hand, he knows  that inviting strangers into your space is dangerous. On the other hand, there’s a lot of witnesses around, and Ransom actually goes to his school. 

The Haus GroupMe:

Holster: I’m….about to invite a stranger into my car
Lardo: now Adam – we talked about Stranger Danger just last week
Shitty: Holtz, man, I know you and March were serious but…. 
Jack: Birkholtz, no
Nursey: Are they hot?
Dex: Nursey!
Holster: I’m not really sure
Holster: We’ve been texting for the last hour
Lardo: ADAM!
Jack: Birkholtz!
Shitty: Holster!
Holster: Not WHILE driving!
Holster: Traffic’s been shit – I just – we’ve been talking – flirting some
Holster: I think
Nursey: Nice!
Holster: Anyway – just wanted to let you know in case I get murdered
Holster: His name’s Justin Oluransi – goes to Samwell
Chowder: Go with your gut, bro – we’ll file the necessary reports, if needed

From Holster:
I’ve got snacks in the truck if you want to run up

From Ransom:
BRO!

The knock that comes to Holster’s window is quick and sharp. Outside he sees a bundle of hoodie and scarf, a wool hat and hunched shoulders. He pops his lock and Ransom slides inside.

“Oh shit, you’re hot.”

Holster’s momentarily thunderstruck. 1.) He’s never been greeted this way, especially not in his glasses. 2.) He’s pretty sure it’d be trite to repeat someone’s greeting back to them verbatim.

“Also, given that your Adam Birkholtz, Samwell’s defenseman, I’m assuming that statement isn’t going to get me punched. Or – you know – lose me those snacks.”

Holster chuckles.

“Yeah, no – punching you is not – that’s um – you’ve nothing to worry about – I’ve um. Snacks.”

Smooth.

He hands Ransom the bag of goods and watches as he makes his choices, chattering excitedly about the selection. His voice is rich and kind. His smile, so bright from afar, is stunning up close. And his eyes – Holster’s never seen a deeper brown that shone so vividly.

“Thanks, bro! You’ve saved my life!” Ransom says at last. And, with a burst of cold air and the slam of the truck’s ancient door, is gone.

The Haus GroupMe:

Holster: I’m alive
Holster: Also, maybe, in love
Shitty: …..
Lardo: o.o
Lardo: I’m too old for this
Nursey: Go get ‘em, tiger!
Dex: …..
Chowder: Keep us posted, bro

airplanesandcookies:

I was washing dishes when this headcannon came to me.  Here you go:

What do you get an NHL star for his birthday?  To be honest, Bitty is broke and while he could probably make a small fortune selling late night hand pies to the post party set at 2am, he has a better idea.

Bitty, with the enthusiastic help of the SMH, makes a “Drunk History of Hockey: the Story of Lord Stanley’s Cup”.

Lardo is in charge of filming.  

Both because it was Bitty’s idea and because his accent is amplified while intoxicated, the team makes Bitty do the voice over.  

One bottle of merlot in, and Bitty is ready, dressed in Jack’s Falconer’s jersey.

“Hey y’all! I am about to regale and amaze you with the story of Ice Hockey and the Stanley’s Cup.  No Stanley Cup.  Yes, Stanley Cup.  Ok, here we go.”

Lardo edits the film to sepia tone and adds a measured flicker to the film to make it look dated.  The story starts with Shitty skating into frame on the pond. Bitty’s voice comes in, “So this guy in cold ass Nova Scotia, named James Creighton says, “thank you N.S. but you are too cold for me, so I’m going to Montreal! “ And when he gets there, he’s all like, “Damnit!  It’s cold here too! But I got my sticks and I got these cool ass boots with knives strapped on with clamps, let’s take this mess indoors!”  

Bitty takes a moment to get another glass of wine before continuing with the story.

The camera pans back to Shitty now standing in Faber Ice Arena in a far corner to give the allusion that it was 100 years ago. “Alright, so then, Creighton makes a team and people run in like…” At this point in the tape, Ransom skates onto the ring, “Dude, you can’t play hockey indoors!  What if you kill someone with that ball that you are just smacking around on the ice?” And Creighton is all like, “Man, I’m going to like answer your concern with something even more dangerous!  Instead of a round wooden ball, how about I flatten it to something resembling a miniature frisbee of death!”

The camera cuts back to Bitty, “What do you mean frisbees weren’t invented yet?  Whatever, you know what I mean.”

Bitty takes the story through the first few games of hockey and all the way to the first leagues, the Governor General of Canada, Lord Stanley, and the inclusion and exclusion in the Olympic games.

When Jack gets the video, he has to pause it periodically because he’s laughing so hard as his boyfriend gets progressively drunker and Shitty’s acting gets more and more over the top.  The entire team had fun filming the various roles for the video.  

The video becomes a yearly tradition to be formally screened on Jack’s birthday or anytime at all when he feels even the littlest bit sad.