Tag: check please

marquisdehockey:

Once, in one of those Falconers YouTube things while they’re on the road, Jack is in the video making pancakes for the team. He makes sure to warn the rest of the guys that the pan is hot. If they think he’s acting weird, well, he’s a weird sort of guy

According to an interview he once did, his favourite animal is a panda

There’s footage of him taking a selfie with a fan and when the fan apologises for accidentally having it set to panorama, Jack says that every picture of him is a panorama. He looks very pleased with himself afterwards but no one can work out why

Shitty knows for a fact that Jack’s favourite Disney film is Mulan, which is why he’s so confused when he tells an interviewer that it’s Peter Pan. It’s strange

But Jack knows what he’s doing. It’s an investment. Because one day, after he’s come out as pansexual, someone’s going to be looking at this footage and they are finally going to notice. Years of bad pansexuality puns are going to pay off

Bob and Alicia know what he’s doing and have never been prouder

legojacques:

AU where Bitty ends up as the “Bachelor” on a Bachelor-esque dating reality show. He’s not sure how he gets chosen by the network or how someone talked him into it during a moment of weakness, but nonetheless, he’s stuck doing it.

The hockey team as contestants on the show. The show producers choose the unsurprising usual types of contestants that you see on these reality shows because… well, if the formula ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

So, we have:

  • The Free Spirited Writer: Derek Nurse
  • The One Who Gets  Progressively Angrier with Each Episode: William Pointdexter
  • The Shirtless Personal Trainer (Who’s Also Putting Himself Through Law School): Shitty Knight
  • The Macho Bro with a Sensitive Side: Adam Birkholtz
  • The Pretty Boy/Cocky One: Kent Parson
  • The One Who Seems Confident Until They Cut to His “Interview” Scenes and He’s Freaking Out: Justin Oluransi
  • The Smart One Who Uses Too Many Confusing Metaphors and Confuses Everyone: John Johnson
  • The One Who Seems Normal At First But Then Has a “Secret” That He Comes Clean About in a Later Episode Twist: Whiskey
  • The Sweet One That You Know Will Never Work In The End But Audiences Still Cried When He Left: Chris Chow
  • The One Who Tries Really Hard to Stay On Even Though It’s Starting to Get Awkward: Tony Tango

Despite freaking out early on, Bitty comes to really enjoy spending time with these guys. The dates, though awkward with a camera following them around, are genuinely fun. Not only that, the contestants themselves are happily surprised when they find they also get along with each other too.

Just a small problem though.

Bitty isn’t interested in any of these guys. In fact, as the season progresses, he starts to fall for the production manager, Jack Zimmermann.

Their relationship had started out rocky, mostly because Bitty thought Jack was an insufferable grump who yelled all the time and Jack thought Bitty was another one of those shallow guys looking for their 15 minutes of fame.

They move past that. Bitty had found Jack sitting by himself and looking sad. It was a rare moment when Bitty wasn’t being followed with a camera. So, Bitty had sat with him and they ended up having a real conversation. They were both surprised by each other which goes to show that first impressions are misleading. 

They fall in love.

It should be wonderful and romantic, but they have to sneak around when Bitty isn’t filming. They hide their relationship because if it gets out, Jack would get fired and Bitty would be in all sorts of trouble for violating his contract. They’ve had a couple of incidents where they’ve almost been caught, but luckily, Lardo, one of the set directors has been covering for them. She walked in on them in a closet, but because Jack is her friend, she hasn’t said anything.

Meanwhile, Bitty’s still going though all the hoops and motions of “dating” all these contestants. It’s going a little too smoothly, and the network scrambles to throw things at them in order to create more competition and “drama”. There’s the group date that ends in a disaster after Will and Derek end up getting in a heated fight. When that isn’t enough, they bring back Kent Parson who was eliminated 4 episodes again just so he can stir shit up amongst the guys.

As they near the finale, Bitty gets increasingly nervous. He’s supposed to pick one of these guys to with on vacation that the network is paying for. Jack, Bitty can tell, is getting increasingly frustrated by not being able to do anything behind the scenes and having to watch Bitty go on all these dates with other guys.

There are arguments between them. Jack is afraid he’s going to lose Bitty as soon as the show is over. Bitty isn’t sure how much longer he can keep up with the pretense.

Finally, it’s down to the final two: Shitty and Adam. They’re the two fan favourites of this season. Bitty has one final rose to give, and he chooses…

…neither of them.

Bitty’s lawyer found a loophole in the contract so Bitty is able to walk out in the end. The fans are in shock and the ratings/publicity for the show goes way up after what happens so the network isn’t too upset with what he did.

Bitty is still friends with most of the contestants from the show and he keeps in contact with them. Jack quits the reality show finds a new job. Bitty gets an offer to do a cooking show. They move in together and they lived happily ever after.

Also, like a year later, they get an invitation to Adam and Justin’s wedding. Two months after that, there’s a second invite to Will and Derek’s wedding. 

More of my writing

(Thanks for reading!)

bmwiid:

We all know Alicia was a very famous model and it kinda made me think… if you hang out with someone who knows about make-up, you end up knowing about make-up. You talk to your friends about work, so they know what happened at the office. 

Enter Bob. Hockey-mad Bob who meets Alicia at a party where he’s being introduced to one of her friends and who is just… floored… by this woman. It’s obvious. He’s head over heels before he even knows it – Alicia? Not so much. 

I mean, sure, he’s cute and he’s got a butt that just will not quit, but he’s also clueless about the things she’s interested in. He knows nothing about clothes, designers, photographers – nothing. He wears what he’s told. Jesus – he’s got a mullet. She’s not interested. 

I want Bob being very aware that Alicia is out of his league. He makes an effort. He gets his hair cut into something more fashionable – he thinks he looks a little like Tom Selleck, and suddenly he’s ‘the good looking one’ on the team. He starts to look at what famous pop stars and actors wear. 

Bad Bob is learning that he’s not going to be David Bowie but maybe he can get a suit that’s a little different, right? 

He learns about what’s ‘hot’ and not from his sister, his friends girlfriends and wives – he has a few well meaning 80′s disaster fashion moments, but he gets through it. He reads fashion magazines and rolls his eyes at the chirps. He tries to remember who took the photograph. He may have a notebook. Jack gets his dorky nature from somewhere. 

The next time he meets Alicia he’s able to hold a decent conversation about her time in Milan. He knows who she worked with, he’s able to ask about things SHE LIKES.

She’s impressed. And after they’ve been dating a few months, she stays the night. 

Only to find that Bob has converted the bedroom next to his into a walk in closet fit for a queen.

“Well, I just thought… you know…” He shrugs. “You might want to hang some of your things up if you come over.”

So when she’s standing in Jack’s new apartment and sees the state of the art kitchen, the brand new appliances… 

“Who cooks, Bob?”

“Hm?”

“Who does Jack know that cooks?”

“No one.” He says, stretching out on the couch so that his arm falls over her shoulders. “I think that the Bittle kid bakes – remember the cookies?” He kisses her on the cheek because he can. God, she does love this man. “Why?”

“No reason.”

cardamoms:

something i really like: poly-ish jackbittylardoshitty.  as in.  jack n bitty are together.  lardo n shitty are together.  the rest is a platonic-romantic mishmash that nobody bothers to decipher but lardo does, in fact, refer to them as “my three boyfriends, one gay, one bi, one straight” and shitty calls them “my respected and equal significant other who is an independent woman i owe my life and love to, my house-husband, and my sweet sexy hockey lover”

des-zimbits:

kvmalakhvn:

jack is… trying

So like, in line with “chirping and flirting are variations on the same idea”

Bitty came over to the Haus to bake a lot as a freshman.  The Haus is full of tall people.  So he is FOREVER trying to reach something put away by a mutant human/musk-ox hybrid (sorry Holster but it’s true) and often has to resort to climbing on top of the counter.

So anyway, one time he’s trying to reach something WAY UP THERE and Jack is wandering through and like, “Oh, Bittle is trying to reach the thing,” and just casually plucks it off the shelf and puts it in Bitty’s hand.

And Bitty does that thing short people sometimes do (I’m 5′1″, I know) which is spin around and exclaim indignantly, “I COULD HAVE GOT IT.”

Jack kind of looks at him and shrugs like, okay, you don’t want my help?  Takes the thing back from Bitty’s hand, puts it back on the Very High Shelf, and wanders back out of the kitchen while Bitty huffs dire imprecations at his back.

So then one day after checking practice Bitty’s trying to reach something out of the top shelf of his locker, but he accidentally knocks it to the back, so he’s on his tiptoes trying to blindly fish above his head.  Jack walks in and stops and looks at him.  He doesn’t want to insult Bitty by getting the thing for him, but he does kind of want to tease him a little bit.  So he goes over and he puts his arms around Bitty’s waist from behind and lifts him up so he can see in the top shelf.  After a second of wrapping his head around this, Bitty gets what he was looking for and Jack lets him down.

Which kind of just becomes That Thing They Sometimes Do, and it’s mostly a Ha Ha Bitty’s So Bitty joke.  Though sometimes Jack, um, likes lifting Bitty up a bit.  During a celly he’ll hug Bitty so hard it lifts his skates off the ice and that’s just normal, right, just bros being bros.  Or he’ll continue the short joke, so Bitty goes to take the remote off the top of the TV and Jack calls, “Is that too high for you, Bittle, do you need me to lift you up,” and Bitty turns around and sticks out his tongue and grabs the remote, and Jack grabs him around the waist anyway, and somehow they are wrestling good-naturedly on the floor, and Holster rescues the remote from the mayhem and turns on the TV while they do it.

Jack, bless his heart, didn’t even realize this could be a sex thing until Bitty pointed it out to him.

violacakes:

coachzimms:

smallish-giraffe:

violacakes:

ilovetextingandscones:

i hope that from now on, every frog tour of the Haus has pie

like it gets added to the bylaws and every year after Bitty graduates a senior has to teach a junior how to make pies for the frog tour

Imagine the day before the first frog tour after Bitty graduates, with Chowder and Dex and the tadpoles practically in tears trying to get the pie crust right, and Nursey walks in and is all “chill, we can buy pie from the store.”

And there’s just this horrified sucking in of breath, and Dex has to physically restrain Chowder while their goalie and new captain screams, THAT’S NOT WHAAT BITTY WOULD DO!

Every year when they make the pie for the tour they play it up like the huge deal that it is, using Bitty’s original recipes and everything, which they keep either A) tucked into one of those adorable old-fashioned recipe boxes or B) framed on the wall of the Haus kitchen (I haven’t decided which I like better).

When the frogs visit for the first time they sit around and eat pie and Chowder and Dex and Nursey and all the rest of the Old Frogs (who are now seniors of course) are just like “We made this pie in the memory of our amazing captain, Eric Richard Bittle, who is sadly no longer with us–” and one of the frogs is like “holy shit did he die” and Chowder starts to say “no he’s fine” but Nursey (who I imagine has become less obnoxious and was sort of like Ransom and Holster’s protégée) cuts him off like “YES, POOR SOUL, HE HAUNTS THE HAUS TO THIS VERY DAY….!”

Thus Bitty becomes a Haus ghost even though he isn’t dead. His name is legend. It’s said that his poor old oven gave out and he was so distraught that he died of grief– “IN THIS VERY KITCHENNNNN,” Nursey cries, waving his hands. The frogs aren’t sure what to think but Dex backs Nursey up in his quiet, sincere way and they start to believe it.

Cut to graduation. Bitty and Jack come to town, and Bitty decides to visit the Haus because he arrived first and Jack’s not getting in until that night. He goes in through the front door, which is unlocked because Chowder (bless his heart) finally made peace with the LAX team through persistent cheerfulness and the skillful application of Bitty’s own summer berry crumble. The Haus no longer has to worry about LAX bros getting in and ruining things or, failing that, egging the front porch on their way to morning practice. 

Bitty notes with approval that the disgusting green couch is gone, and the curtains and windows have been washed. He wanders into the kitchen. It’s empty. The oven is new or at least very clean, and he just can’t help himself. Wouldn’t it be a nice surprise for everyone to come home to a nice fresh pie? So he puts on an apron and is halfway through rolling out the crust when someone comes into the Haus.

“Oh,” he says, and Bitty turns around. “I’m sorry, are you… lost? This kitchen isn’t for public use…”

“Oh, no, no,” Bitty says, and brushes flour off of his hands. It’s everywhere now, he realizes – on his face, in his hair – but it can’t be helped. “I used to live here. I’m Eric Bittle. Bitty.” He holds out a hand to shake but the stranger  is backing away, shaking his head.

“This isn’t your kitchen any more, bro,” he says. Bitty shrinks a little. He knows that, he really does… but there was always something about Samwell that was home to him, and this kitchen most of all. He wants to tell this to the frog, but the frog in question is no longer standing before him. In fact, he’s diving for a cabinet on the other side of the sink. He throws it open and pulls out a rolling pin, one that Bitty recognizes. He left it behind because the Haus didn’t have one, and he could spare the extra. 

The frog brandishes it at him, not attacking, just holding it up like a shield.

“Apple turnovers!” he shouts. “Pumpkin pie! Blueberry crumble!”

“What are you doing?” Bitty asks, very confused.

“I’m banishing you! Lemon squares! Begone, ghost!”

“What?”

“Gingerbread!”

“What are you saying?!” Bitty asks, raising his voice so he can be heard above the frog’s.

“Nursey warned us about you! This is the only way to set your spirit to rest!”

“Ah, I see.” The frog continues to hold the rolling pin, listing all the baked goods he can think of while Bitty pulls out his phone, opens his contacts, and calls a number.

“Derek. Malik. Nurse.”

mandy and jenny probably think it’s hilarious and like to Spook the frogs in the kitchen.

This is amazing. And also, OH YES when Nursey, Dex and Chowder are seniors they will totally be the Old Frogs.