modern au star wars. rey, poe and finn all live in a one bedroom apartment with poe’s corgi. rey doesn’t have a social security number. leia signed the lease so poe would stop sleeping on her couch. hux is kylo’s manager at the gamestop
han and leia are divorced but have been living together anyway. luke lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere in arizona and they used to visit him every christmas but eventually leia got tired of trying to figure out what “ok so there will be no signs at this point, but after three hours you’ll see a rock. turn there” means
luke and han are the exact opposite sides of the antigovernment spectrum, which becomes a problem after luke realises he really loves drones
luke was raised on the ranch by obiwan, who has technically been squatting there since the 60s
padme had a will but anakin just had a piece of paper that said he thought obiwan should have his dogs and also his sword collection
luke refuses to mail anything so when he wants leia to have something he just drives to california and puts the package on her porch. he has a really poor concept of what leia needs, could use or would like so half the time she opens these 20 year old boxes signed “LUKE, YOUR BROTHER” in fading pen to discover, like, a broken tv and a note that says “can han use this for anything?”
“my cat from hell” cat owner: my cat is an agent of satan who derives pleasure from tormenting me. he has attacked me many times and killed two of my family members. he does not listen to reason, or accept any form of kindness. he knows only the tearing of flesh and the flowing of blood.
jackson galaxy: how often do you play with him?
cat owner: how often do i what
man this has been said before by cleverer folks than me, but sometimes you have to sit down and let the sheer size and age of the storytelling tradition just completely overwhelm you, ja feel?
like— think for a second about how mind-bogglingly incredible it is that we know who osiris is? that somebody just made him up one day, and told stories about him to their kids, and literally thousands and thousands of years later we are still able to go “there was a god whose brother cut him into pieces”, it’s so arbitrary, it’s so incredible
that in talking about scheherazade and her husband, you are doing something that someone in every single generation has done since it was written— you are telling stories that have lasted an impossible amount of time
can you conceive of telling a story, and then traveling into the future and hearing that same story told— with alterations, and through media that you could not possibly conceive of, but your story— in the year 3214?
the fact that we! as a species! have been telling the same damn stories for so long— the fact that we’ve seen homer’s troy and chaucer’s troy and shakespeare’s troy and troy with fucking brad pitt because we never fucking stop telling stories! never ever ever!
we never stop caring about stories, or returning to the same stories, or putting our own spins on stories. we never stop talking about the characters as if they were real, or asking what happened next, or asking to hear it again.
generation after generation, they never ever ever stop mattering to us.
when i say “i hate men” im not talking about every individual man in the world, im talking about men as a social class, but if youre the kind of man that gets offended when i say i hate men then i do, specifically, hate you on an individual level
not to sound like a man-hating dyke but i’m a dyke and i hate men
Yall can be edgy and talk about how much you hate tumblr all you want but I will be real chief I value my undeserved clout on here and its also the only place that shoots all my niche interests directly into my brain at the speed of light
The idea behind Tumblr, namely the dashboard, how posts and reblogs work (kinda like mini-threads that stream endlessly onto your dash), and the tagging system, is actually superb and I have yet to find another social media site on par with this format. Hence why we all stay here.
But then there’s also the incompetent staff and the extreme cultural madness of the website, hence why we hate it despite staying.
Man. I feel so thirsty lately. I can’t drink enough water. I feel like the senator guy in that X-Men movie after getting exposed to Magneto’s mutant machine, and he keeps drinking drinking drinking water uncontrollably until he dives into the ocean and becomes a terrifying jellyfish creature and explodes. Freaking Magneto. I was already sympathetic to the mutant cause. Why you gotta hate?
You’re not a mutant, honey, you’re a mermaid. It’s all right. Once your scales start coming in, you won’t be as thirsty.
You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half.
- “Extreme thirst has a lot of causes. Let’s check your blood sugar, and let’s take a skin sample to see if you’re developing scales.”
- “Joint pain is pretty common when someone’s pushing themself that way with training, and I’d definitely recommend some rest, but it sounds like it’s been coming on with the moon so we might want to do a blood test to check for lycanthropy.”
- “I’m going to give you this journal. Keep track of how often you’re near bodies of water and copses of trees – not single trees, there needs to be a cluster.”
- “Bear with me, I know you’re lactose intolerant, but buy a pint of milk and keep it in your kitchen. If it spoils faster than expected, we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on here.”
“Have you considered that you may not, in fact, actually be a mammal?”
“Okay, I’m going to have to refer you to a specialist. It looks like your tertiary dentition is coming in.”
“I think we need to check for allergic reactions to silver, iron, a few types of wood, garlic, and holy water. That’ll help us rule out some possible causes for this rash. In the mean time I think you should avoid Italian food and holy ground.”
“Have you noticed clusters of birds following you? Were they corvids? Hm, interesting. You ought to come in to the office so we can discuss this further.”
“That itching sensation might be a rash, but I think we ought to give you an MRI and see if you’re about to grow horns.”
So basically, medicine in the Dark Ages, upgraded.
This is literally my dream as a writer and my worst nightmare as a nurse
So I imagine a supernatural version of House where almost every episode someone is like “it’s lycanthropy” and the House character goes “it’s never lycanthropy” except for the one episode it is where the title of the episode is lycanthropy.
I know we’re all for Magnus saying I love you to Alec in Indonesian. Which is happening.
But an even better concept – Alec replying back in Indonesian “I love you, too.” And adorably surprising Magnus.
what i do is not up to you 