blackberrywidow:

Peter after three hours of awkward silence in the soul realm: so… I guess you could say that Thanos really just… snapped.

Bucky: I am literally begging you to stop.

kelgrid:

prokopetz:

Alternative to the tired old wizard-with-a-sugar-daddy interpretation of the patron/warlock relationship in Dungeons & Dragons:

• Clueless boss and long-suffering employee, whose powers are basically the magical equivalent of pilfering office supplies for personal use
• Scheming master and duplicitous apprentice who are totally open about their loathing for each other and are keen to see who betrays whom first
• Bureaucratic devil and soul-peddling diabolist with a contract a mile long, each honestly believing they’re getting the better of the other
• Glowering quartermaster and loose-cannon operative, whose record for getting results just barely justifies the expense of employing them
• Indifferent parent who pays their estranged offspring’s allowance like clockwork but otherwise prefers to deal with them as little as possible
• Vast, slumbering god-monster and amoral parabiologist who knows which spots to poke with a stick to provoke particular autonomic responses

You forgot the most important

basalt-dnd:

prokopetz:

Here’s a little trick I’ve used in D&D games where the premise of your campaign calls for the party to have access to lots of Stuff, but you don’t want to do a whole bunch of bookkeeping: the Wagon.

In a nutshell, the party has a horse-drawn wagon that they use to get around between – and often during – adventures. This doesn’t come out of any individual player character’s starting budget; it’s just provided as part of the campaign premise.

Before setting out from a town or other place of rest, the party has to decide how many gold pieces they want to spend on supplies. These funds aren’t spent on anything in particular, and form a running total that represents how much Stuff is in the wagon.

Any time a player character needs something in the way of supplies during a journey or adventure, one of two things can happen:

1. If it’s something that any fool would have packed for the trip and it’s something that could reasonably have been obtained at one of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., rations, spare clothing, fifty feet of rope, etc.), then the wagon contains as much of it as they reasonably need. Just deduct the Player’s Handbook list price for the item(s) in question from the wagon’s total.

2. If it’s something where having packed it would take some explaining, or if it’s something that’s unlikely to have been available for purchase at any of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., a telescope, a barrel of fine wine, a book of dwarven erotic poetry, etc.), the player in need makes a retroactive Intelligence or Wisdom check, versus a DC set by the GM, to see if they somehow anticipated the need for the item(s) in question. Proficiency may apply to this check, depending on what’s needed. The results are read as follows:

Success: You find what you’re looking for, more or less. If the group is amenable, you can narrate a brief flashback explaining the circumstances of its acquisition. Deduct its list price (or a price set by the GM, if it’s not on the list) from the wagon’s total.

Failure by 5 points or less: You find something sort of close to what you’re looking for. The GM decides exactly what; it won’t ever be useless for the purpose at hand, but depending on her current level of whimsy, it may simply be a lesser version of what you were looking for, or it may be something creatively off the mark. Deduct and optionally flash back as above.

Failure by more than 5 points: You come up empty-handed, and can’t try again for that item or anything closely resembling it until after your next stopover.

As an incidental benefit, all the junk the wagon is carrying acts as a sort of ablative armour. If the wagon or its horses would ever take damage, instead subtract a number of gold pieces from its total equal to the number of hit points of damage it would have suffered. The GM is encouraged to describe what’s been destroyed in lurid detail.

This type of method makes it *way* easier to keep track of items, and… it’s pretty darn funny when the players succeed a roll to see if they backed something outrageously stupid. Trust me, the flash backs are hilarious. Never skip out on them.

silver-tongues-blog:

missharleenfquinzel:

missharleenfquinzel:

This whole NSFW situation is exactly like when America made alcohol illegal in the 1920s to combat rampant alcoholism and it 100% backfired and actually made people drink way MORE and actually made it more accessible. They realized what a mistake they had made and repealed that shit.

Which brings me to my business proposal:

Titty Speakeasies

Knock three times and give the password “I like your shoelaces”

listen, pal, im always horny on main but i would rather remain on this christian minecraft server than hear those words in that order ever again.

ironoffline:

themadcapmathematician:

seriously underrated Doctor Who Comedy Moment™: when the Doctor explains to Donna that the Tardis is translating her words to Latin for their visit to Pompeii and her immediate thought is what would happen if she spoke actual Latin to someone so she goes up to some dude and says “Veni, Vidi, Vici” and he tells her he doesn’t speak Welsh

Every single episode with Donna was a seriously underrated Doctor Who Comedy Moment

™

• Having an extended conversation in Mime with the Doctor through a window while the Doctor is also on the other side of a window, while the villain who is in the room they are both looking into watches, flabbergasted.
• “You just want to mate?!”
• The doctor, on a segway, stonefaced. Donna, also on a segway, in a wedding dress, cracking the fuck up.
• “I am Sparticus.” “And I am also Sparticus.”
• The Doctor and Donna nervously approaching a stack of books which they are concerned may be alive, reaching out very slowly and carefully to poke them, and collectively shitting their pants as a loud voice goes off behind them.
• The Harvey Wallbanger Detox Scene