breaking news: harry potter has quit his job as an auror!
stating that ‘i have no idea why i thought that was a good idea, holy shit’, potter has since relocated to diagon alley and reopened florean fortescue’s ice cream parlour. in a comment, potter said ‘yeah. yeah, this seems more like it’ and added ‘i mean, he gave me ice cream that one time. loved that guy.’
All Pottermore stories and other HP related extra-canon are hereby replaced with this text post
I know in the books it’s already like, a Thing that Percy’s relationship with his godly family seems to be abnormally good- like, Poseidon’s not dad of the year but he’s also made it clear he deeply cares about Percy and has tried to warn/protect him in the past, there’s been brief references here and there that after tlo Percy started spending time in the underwater palace occasionally, he calls Amphitrite his step-mom and says she bakes him cookies and doesn’t mind that he’s messy when he stays over, he brought back that pendant Annabeth wears, little stuff like that- but tbh I wish it would be expanded on more because apart from the fact it’s sweet, it’s also like, kinda funny? when you think about how all the other gods are just. messes. about family. like let me just SEE him interact with his family more, it has such potential. He casually mentions he’s meeting his sister Kym at starbucks later and Jason’s like ‘she sold you out to a giant that wanted to murder you’ and Percy’s just like ‘yeah but that was months ago and dad made her apologize we’re cool now’. Annabeth still hasn’t forgiven her mom for the whole Mark-of-Athena-Suicide-Quest thing and they had a huge fight on Olympus the other day, the first time they had seen each other since the war ended, and Annabeth’s complaining about this to Percy, who’s Iris Messaging her from the bottom of the ocean because it’s Poseidon’s custody weekend. There’s a mandatory parent bake sale at school to raise money for a field trip but Sally’s on a book tour and Paul was prepared to just quit after he set the kitchen on fire, only for Amphitrite to stroll into the school the next day and ruin every PTA Mom’s life. Percy telling his friends to stay out of the water for a few days because he called Triton a bitch in the family group chat and he just wanted them to be careful. Percy trying to figure out if a bunch of Greek gods are expecting Christmas presents or not and wtf to get them if they are. Triton wanting to get Percy back for the bitch comment but knowing their dad won’t let him drown someone so he instead shows up at Percy’s mortal high school and does The Most to embarrass him. Tyson begging Percy to let him help babysit Estelle. Poseidon showing up at Career Day with absolutely no warning and trying not to laugh at Percy’s reaction. Percy getting his dad a fathers day card like he wanted to do in SoM!! Like it’s a dynamic I don’t want pushed to the side as much as it is!!! There’s so much to work with there!!! I want more!
Every time somebody refers to vampires as “draculas” I picture, like, a vampire suburb, and the Draculas are that one family that’s conspicuously wealthier than all the other families that everybody low-key hates. They roll up at a neighbourhood social and folks are like “oh, fuck, it’s the Draculas, okay, gotta play nice HEEEEEY VLAD!”
(The Draculas are, of course, embroiled in a long-running passive aggressive feud with the Wolfmans down the block. Naturally neither family would ever openly acknowledge it, but everyone knows.)
I realize the tags say werewolves, but it’s funnier to me if the Wolfmans are also vampires but because they’re sensitive about their name they’re really conspicuous about being vampiric, which is probably the source of the feud because conspicuous vampirism is the Draculas’ whole -deal-.
Maybe the Wolfmans are vampires who turn into wolves while every other family in the neighborhood turns into bats, and they’re really touchy about getting called werewolves behind their backs – which of course everybody does, because suburban vampires are just awful.
I mean, Dracula originally turned into a wolf just as much as a bat,
before pop culture shifted the public’s mental association closer to
bats.
That could also be a point of feud too.
The Draculas have a complicated relationship with the fact that their patriarch could transform into both a bat and a wolf. The neighborhood has quietly agreed to just avoid bringing it up in their presence.
So of course the Wolfmans bring it up constantly. Not, you know, as a topic for discussion or anything – it’s just downright uncanny how often that little fact seems to come up in passing!
The Wolfmans’ daughter is coming up on her Bat Mitzvah, and the jokes about it are gonna get someone FUCKING MAULED.
anyway Sherlock Holmes is public domain so catch me writing a story in which Holmes’ seemingly timeless nature is explained in canon as Holmes being a restless preternatural entity discovered (summoned?) by the original Dr. Watson, who acted as its companion/custodian as it careened around doing the only thing that could preoccupy its wildly inhuman mind, ie, getting all up in people’s business and freaking them out with how much shit it knows.
the Holmes entity can die, but always reappears within a generation and without fail seeking out the latest in the Watson line. the Watsons, grown savvy over time, now devote much of their time to a.) preparing the younger members of the family for Holmes’ inevitable return or b.) desperately trying to get the hell out of dodge and live a normal life before it can happen to them as well.
just uuuuh. like a very knowing story about the inevitability of the Holmes and Watson story, centered a creepily inhuman Holmes and the long-suffering family who have spent more than a century documenting it.
OP, please, please, please write this. I will buy and read the shit out of this.
what i do is not up to you 