Since you mention it, I think I will start that race war.
I could’ve swung either way? But now I’m definitely spending the next 4 years converting your daughters to lesbianism; I’m gonna eat all your guns. Swallow them lock stock and barrel and spit bullet casings onto the dinner table;
I’ll give birth to an army of mixed-race babies. With fathers from every continent and genders to outnumber the stars, my legion of hapa babies will be intersectional as fuck and your swastikas will not be enough to save you,
because real talk, you didn’t stop the future from coming. You just delayed our coronation. We have the same deviant haircuts we had yesterday; we are still getting gay-married like nobody’s business because it’s still nobody’s business; there’s a Muslim kid in Kansas who has already written the schematic for the robot that will steal your job in manufacturing, and that robot? Will also be gay, so get used to it:
we didn’t manifest the mountain by speaking its name, the buildings here are not on your side just because you make them spray-painted accomplices. These walls do not have genders and they all think you suck. Even the earth found common ground with us in the way you bootstrap across us both,
oh yeah: there will be signs, and rainbow-colored drum circles, and folks arguing ideology until even I want to punch them but I won’t, because they’re my family, in that blood-of-the-covenant sense. If you’ve never loved someone like that you cannot outwaltz us, we have all the good dancers anyway.
I’ll confess I don’t know if I’m alive right now; I haven’t heard my heart beat in days, I keep holding my breath for the moment the plane goes down and I have to save enough oxygen to get my friends through. But I finally found the argument against suicide and it’s us. We’re the effigies that haunt America’s nights harder the longer they spend burning us, we are scaring the shit out of people by spreading, by refusing to die: what are we but a fire? We know everything we do is so the kids after us will be able to follow something towards safety; what can I call us but lighthouse,
of course I’m terrified. Of course I’m a shroud. And of course it’s not fair but rest assured, anxious America, you brought your fists to a glitter fight. This is a taco truck rally and all you have is cole slaw. You cannot deport our minds; we won’t hold funerals for our potential. We have always been what makes America great.
this hannukah, live in the spirit of the festival and punch a neo-nazi in the face
Don’t go for the face you’ll break your fingers and have to spend the holiday in the hospital. Elbows and palms for the face. Fists for the throat, gut, and kidneys. Have a safe and joyous holiday.
Is there a lesbian big sister program where I can adopt a baby gay and tell them they’re valid and beautiful and perfect? Because if not, there needs to be one.
If the CIA and this reporting is to be believed, the GOP-lead Senate deliberately ignored this information from the CIA to gain power. Someone needs to act BEFORE the Electoral College meets on Dec 19th.
So far Lindsay Graham is the only Republican to speak up in outrage. And the only Democrat to make waves has been Harry Reid (who is retiring). The GOP’s reaction is understandable. Trump’s reaction has been as scary as everything else he has done, but 100% understandable. But the Dems? Pure cowardice, as usual. Obama himself needs to do something about this, because any investigation will end on Jan 20th.
And YOU reading this need to make serious waves. Our highest Intelligence agency has claimed this election was stolen. Trump WILL get away with this if we don’t take to the streets, IMMEDIATELY. Call someone. Write something. None of this is politics as normal! People need to be jailed for this.This is the literal definition of influence from a foreign government, and exactly what the Electoral College was made to stop.
Thats the weirdest erotic sentence i’ve read all month
this fucking post singlehandedly ruined my life
You don’t really appreciate how fucking great fan fic is when it comes to writing sex untill you stop to recognise how Serious Literary Stars fail at writing sex.
Forget what his dick is doing, what are her breasts doing? How do a pair of fat sacks attached to a ribcage barrel-roll anywhere? Let alone across a man’s mouth and then his wanger immediately after? Sir, why is your mouth so dong-adjacent? Is your weiner detachable, is that it? Do you have your joystick clutched in your hand so that you can score a sweet schlong-to-titty-roll immediately after a kiss and then proceed to beat your banana all over her body in the world’s most failed attempt at erotic massage??? HOW DO YOU THINK SEX WORKS???
… guys
….. Are the sex scenes in My Immortal better than this? “HE PUT HIS THINGY IN MY YOU-KNOW-WHAT AND WE HAD SEX.”
… I mean. Comparatively…
Like, in My Immortal, it’s at least implied he knows where he’s supposed to put it. It’s very simplistic, Ikea-style sex (insert tab A into slot B) but that’s better than this vague, useless composition of random, nonsensical placement and movement of body parts.
So yes, the sex in My Immortal is, in this sense, better.
OK so I’m sure people are aware of this, but just in case you’re not: there is an annual ‘award’ given every year by the Literary Review for bad sex scenes in fiction. The above entry (sorry) by Morrissey won this illustrious award in 2015 (and yes, he threw a massive tantrum about it, because he’s Morrissey):
The best part of this is that the 2016 nominations were just announced, and OH BOY, there are some absolute crackers this year:
And in case anyone is interested, these are some of the entries that Morrissey beat to the top prize last year:
I agree. We are spoilt by fanfiction.
I don’t know who to laugh at more, the guy having an existential crisis before getting a blowjob or the one going, “Mmm. Papaya. Much more arousing than this nonsense.”
I will never fear about my porn again.
I didn’t even realize some of these were trying to describe sex even though I know that they’re trying to describe sex. How do you fuck up something that bad?
If I ever feel bad about my own writing, I’ll just look at these examples to remind myself that I could do a lot worse.
