where is my very soft time traveling fic featuring zimbits where they meet their grown-up selves with 2.5 kids via stanley cup magic just so I can read a scene like this:
Shitty (coming downstairs to kitchen for breakfast): oh hey Bob. I didn’t know you were visiting us. Nice flow, when’d you get it? Who’s the cute blonde dad behind you? Also why are there children in the haus– Older Jack (juggling his toddler, who is playing with his hair): …I’m Jack. Shitty: haha okay–(focuses on Jack’s face, spits out coffee)–holy–
who is going to write this so i can read another scene with Older Bitty meeting Younger Jack and telling his husband, “Oh, honey, look at you! Jack, sweetheart, you’re practically a baby! Can you believe I fell in love with this face 15 years ago? Gosh, it’s been so long.” and Younger Jack is just like….oh God Dad Bitty is hot what do i do while Older Jack kind of narrows his eyes at his younger self in a way that’s obviously saying ‘dont even think about touching my husband’ but then he’s like wait, Younger Jack is still technically himself so now he’s just confused
Younger Bitty meeting his older self and family and thinks the Hans is playing a huge joke cus hes like??? Jacks straght??? Right??? And older Bitty just like handing over their younest son/daughter into younger Bittys arms and just whispering in younger Bittys ear “No, no Dicky, no, no” just like what their Mama used to say to them when they where about to do or say something wrong, and younger Bitty just looking at the bundle of joy in his arms and going… “we gonna have like 4 of these right?” And older Bitty is just like “and 3 dogs plus a bunny and 2 cats, thinking about a bird next” and they just hit it off as the best of friends.
Older Jack: “We only talked about the bird last week Bits… and 4?” *enter nervous Jack already juggling 2 toddler in arms*
Younger Jack: *internally screaming for sooo many reasons* *Externally- cant. Stop. Looking. At. Bitty. Like. What? And, Please.*
And then like Older Jack and Younger Jack have like a moment to themselves and Older Jack just turns to Younger and all he says is “Im so damn happy.” And younger Jack is just FLOORED cus like he hasn’t seen himself smile like that in YEARS. And just Jack and Jack HAVING A MOMENT. (Untill 2 crazy happy toddlers wanna play horsey and Older Jack is just like “you need practice, here”)
Chowder would be so excited becuse his hockey Dad and Hockey mom got together and have given him siblings!!!! and Dex and Nursey following Chowder cus hey? Dex gets to have sibling when they’re still at that wounderful, non-annoying age plus his Hockey parents are happy so he’s happy. Then Nursey is just! So unchill cus he finally HAS SIBLING and there cute and amazing and “Dex i want some too, Plz” before running off to be the best big brother anyone could have. Leaving Dex red and hart pounding in the dust to be taken care of by 2 very knowing Bittys.
Lardo would walk into the room and become the BEST AUNTIE EVER with out so much as blink. “Jack, fatherhood got you good man, glad to see the lagacy lives” then just turning to the two Bittys “i need to make art for this moment”
Ransom and Holster would be so disappointed in themselves cus HOW DID THEY NOT SEE THIS COMING??? I had EXCEL on my side Holster!! And it lead me s o wrong!. Yeah dro i know but its ok, i got this, we’ll be ok. *Que Dramatic Bro Hug and Confort*
And then there was Shitty. “IM A GODFATHER RIGHT?? I SHALL ACCEPT FUCKING NOTHING LESS FROM YOU GLORIOUS BEAUTIFUL FUCKING FAMILY”
I made a Star Wars vine compilation because what the heck
As someone who has never seen a star war, my current impression of the series basically amounts to a combination of my own fringe research, my friends’ explanations that mostly went over my head (still not sure what a midichlorian is) and… these kinds of shitposts.
I’m still convinced that I’m having a better time of it than all of you guys.
All my love to the asexuals who feel broken, and who have days they hate themselves for being asexual. It isn’t easy, and it’s so exhausting. But you are strong, and you deserve love, and you deserve support, and you deserve all the best in the world.
Even on days it feels like it, you aren’t broken. I promise.
Can you believe 14 year old azula delivered the best line of any villain ever “don’t flatter yourself. You were never even a player” iconic
Actually the best line of any villain ever was, “Maybe you should worry less about the tides, who’ve already made up their mind about killing you, and worry more about me, who’s still mulling it over.” Also spoken by Azula, age 14.
fyi scrolling petfinder while emotional is a bad idea
You know, with all the language throughout Star Wars about “giving in” to the Dark Side, how the Dark Side makes you more powerful, how the Dark Side makes you age strangely and destroys you, it sure doesn’t sound like an “opposite side of the coin” so much as the “deeper end of the pool,” like it’s actually the true form of the force and being a Jedi is about keeping it tamed so it doesn’t eat you the way it actually wants.
the force is entropy
Eldritch Jedi pls
This is one of the reasons i love the second Knights of the Old Republic game, wherein one of the major characters (who defines herself neither as Jedi nor Sith) actually views the Force this way, saying “I hate the Force. I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance, when countless lives are lost.”
It’s also the game that gave us the two most entropic, eldritch characters in the franchise: Darth Nihilus, whose dark-side-borne ability to feed on the Force and consume life itself has twisted him into a half-living “wound in the Force”, more presence than flesh
and Darth Sion, whose entire body is a ruin, his flesh nothing but ragged scar tissue, every bone and muscle broken and torn, kept animated by will alone as he forces himself, second by agonizing second, to exist
I wish there were more horrifying perspectives on the force like that
This is one of the reasons the term “Light Side” never felt right to me, even before it was used in any official media; The Force always struck me more like an ocean than a binary concept: the deeper you go, the darker and more crushing it gets — at a certain point becoming an effectually consistent darkness — and while light filters down and fades for some distance, if there is a truly light “side” it’d be the surface.
Which isn’t to say “the Force is evil unless you flounder about near the top” — just that it’s a natural force, and as such is something you need to respect and be adequately prepared for. (Take electricity, for example: super awesome and pretty dang useful, but OH HOLY SMOKES don’t try and harness it unless you REALLY know what you’re doing!)
In this sense, being tempted by the Dark Side is less a case of “Hey, I wonder what’s on the other side of this coin it looks pretty cool haha oh whoops I’m Space Walter White now,” and more one of “The deeper into this thing you go, the harder you’ll need to fight to resist the ever-increasing pressure, to remain whole, even to just see whatever the heck you’re actually doing.”
(which is why Jedi training is so important: those padawans gotta build themselves a mental Deepsea Challenger!)
THIS META BLESSED ME
Okay but let’s suppose, for a moment, that the Force is actually malevolent.
That would make a lot of sense.
Consider, for a moment, an eldritch parasite. This ancient being feeds off of the life-force of other creatures. Not that unusual, as most living things also consume other living things, to various degrees. But this one is technically somewhat removed from the usual structures of biology. It is a passive and opportunistic predator, for the most part. Whenever a living being that is connected to it – however weakly – dies, it consumes part of its energy, and gets bigger.
As life in the galaxy flourishes, and time passes, this singular entity gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Like a catfish; the only limit to its growth is how much it can consume to fuel it. The larger it gets, the more it is able to sink its invisible claws into other living beings, until eventually there is hardly any life out there which hasn’t been ‘infected’ by it, and slated to become its spiritual dinner as soon as its biological form gives out.
And here we actually come to – of all things – the midichlorians. Which, the Jedi use to measure someone’s sensitivity to the Force, which works because midichlorians are the vehicle for the predatory parasite to infest living beings. The immune systems in some people begin to develop a certain degree of resistance to them, which is why some folks have more, and some have less, and this directly correlates to their Force sensitivity. The more midichlorians you have, the worse your immune system is at fending off the parasite.
The Force counters the risk of being bred out of subsequent generations by developing camouflage, and adapting itself into a more seemingly-symbiotic relationship with its prey.
What the Jedi see as the ‘light side’ of the Force, is a reflective layer that this predator has created via its connection to all living things. This network is the honey trap that encourages the beings still strongly connected to it, to spread that connection, because it affords them advantages while they are still alive. But its elements are comprised mostly of echoes and reflections of their fellow prey organisms. Force Ghosts that resemble the departed. Emotions that are transmitted along this layer and between individuals. Small amounts of power that can be siphoned off to impact the environment, and can also spread the Force to whatever living thing it comes into contact with.
This being is huge now, it needs a lot of juice in order to maintain its existence, let along continue to grow. And like most predators it’s willing to expend a certain amount of energy in order to guarantee a bigger pay-off.
The deeper you go into the Force, the more the Force starts exerting its own will through you. And the less you see of the reflected camouflage of it, and the more apparent it becomes that the Force wants large swaths of death to feed it. Which is why Dark Siders often become so preoccupied with things like Death Stars.
But it’s a balancing act. A large population of relatively peaceful Force sensitives, like the Jedi, cost more than they’re worth, because beyond a point they take too much energy from the Force and don’t kill enough people to pay for it. A single individual abusing their powers for self-gain and murdering left and right, though, accomplishes the goal of feeding it. The Force obviously doesn’t want its food supply to die out completely, but this explains the persistent cycles of the Star Wars universe – as a soon as a group of peaceful Force users becomes prominent, they get wiped out by a few Dark Siders who have tread too deeply past the reflective surface of the Force, and become actual vessels for its will.
And then when the Dark Siders have finished killing a whole bunch of people, it’s time for them to go, too, so that they don’t wipe out the entire populace and kill off the Force’s food supply beyond its ability to reasonably recover. The peaceful types then see an upswing, as they are more adept at spreading the Force. So the cycle goes – Jedi spread the Force, Sith kill the Jedi and feed the Force, Jedi kill the Sith and resume spreading the Force. It’s a planting and harvest cycle, and the galaxy is populated with the Force’s living spirit crops. Anakin Skywalker, who was arguably one of the beings most closely connected to the Force, and had an extremely high midichlorian count, basically lived this cycle in its entirety as an individual – he spread the Force as a Jedi, he killed people as a Sith, and then he ended it all in order to preserve his progeny for the next round.
tl;dr – the Force wants to eat your soul. The reason the ‘light side’ types always get so up in their own asses is because what they perceive as the Force is basically their own reflections dangling in front of them like an angler fish’s lure. The reason the ‘dark side’ types get so messed up is because they’re basically the equivalent of those grasshoppers who get infected with a parasite that makes them drown themselves.
some goddamn power converters
alec: listen magnus i know i screwed up so ive been working on this apology for you all day long
magnus: im listening
alec: okay here it is…. im sorry
magnus:
magnus:
magnus:
magnus: why do i like you