Category: Uncategorized

foxtrot-thelaxbro:

onethousandroaches:

i live for like, accidental sugar daddy jack

just like, bitty never growing up with a ton of money??? and jack has but he never really thought about it until he was around people like bitty who haven’t had all the things he’s had, the million dollar homes and the top of the line gear and the nicest clothes

and jack not always being the most emotionally aware guy but thinking “hey. giving bitty things. that’s something i’m able to do”

so sometimes bitty will be at the haus and a delivery man will show up with a new stand mixer even though bitty didn’t really NEED one, just happened to mention to jack once that his was getting a little older

or jack and bitty wandering through providence and stopping in stores and jack sees bitty eyeing some new shoes or something he doesn’t necessarily have the funds for right now and buying them for him just because

and sometimes bitty will come back to the apartment in providence and there’ll be some new clothes for him in the closet (jack had asked alicia for advice) because why not? they’d look nice on him and jack can give them to him

and at first bitty feels awkward accepting all these gifts (i mean, he’s southern, they have weird rules about receiving gifts without giving things back in return) but jack tells him “i like to give you things. it makes me feel good too” and learning to live with jack spoiling the hell out of him because jack just loves him a lot and that’s one of the ways he knows how to show it

(and oh man if jack spoiled bitty when they were dating imagine how much he’s gonna spoil their kids)

Let me talk for like five seconds about the whole giving things without giving back: 

My mama was raised Catholic in small-town Tennessee and I’ve been raised in a very Christian area in Georgia (and obviously my experiences are my own and I can’t speak for everyone) but I was raised to know that there is a whole web of what determines what gift you give someone and at what times. If someone dies, you bake their family a casserole. If a baby is born you look on the gift registry (if the couple has one, and then there are rules about what you buy depending on how close you are to the couple) and you bake something for the mom. If there’s a funeral you can’t attend you send approximately how much money it would’ve cost for you to attend (price of travel) to help pay for the funeral because those things are expensive af. Etc, etc. 

These rules are in place for whatever reasons, and some of them are kind of arbitrary, but if you give any more or any less it can ~apparently~ send complicated messages. 

There’s also an equally convoluted set of rules and implications about what gifts you can and cannot accept, or whether or not you have to act like you can’t take the gift before you take it. (Well, you always have to act like you can’t take it, but that’s another rant) This is because if you accept a gift from someone you can damn well expect that they’ll bring it up later.

  • “Can you believe Sarah-Beth said my pound cake was dry at the bake sale? It wasn’t dry when I brought it to her daughter’s birthday party!” 
  • “I know, I know, and she didn’t even send out acknowledgements to all the moms that brought stuff! She did the exact same thing at her last brunch party…” 

And if you accept a gift from someone who isn’t in your close social circle you need to write them a Thank You card (and preferably send it by mail no later than three days after receiving the gift) and/or give them something in return. Otherwise there is an assumed debt between you and the initial giver. 

SO WHAT I’M SAYING is that when Jack starts buying Bitty things at first he’s flattered and acts like he can’t take them before he does and he feels all warm inside because getting gifts is nice. 

Then it becomes a pattern . 

Jack always buys him something. A new set of mixing bowls here, a pair of nice slacks there, but soon Bitty’s almost too suspicious to accept the gifts. He’s in debt to Jack, there is a deficit of giving. Bitty retaliates by trying to match Jack gift for gift. He bakes pies at Jack’s kitchen in obscene amounts and freezes them. He writes him love letters (because he know Jack likes to be reminded that he’s cared for) each time he gets something he doesn’t think baking will cover. 

The trend intensifies. Encouraged by what Jack assumes is Bitty’s positive feedback, Jack buys him more things. Bitty starts making a list of the things Jack has bought him. His internal monologue is probably something like What do they mean? Why does Jack feel the need to buy me so much stuff? Does he feel like he owes me something? We’ve been doing this for months, surely we don’t owe each other anything, right? Is this a Canadian thing? 

It’s like the Cold War’s arms race but with kindness. It kind of drives Bitty crazy until they are able to sit down and talk about it with each other. 

awed-frog:

babyanimalgifs:

this is the angriest bird i’ve ever seen

I don’t know much about birds, so I looked this up – turns out, round cages like that one are bad for birds, because they only feel safe when they have corners so if they can’t find one, they become very anxious and scared and this can lead to health problems. That’s why cockatoos hate those cages and why this worker of the Saskatoon Parrot Rescue (Canada) is destroying it. So this bird (Pebble) isn’t upset at the loss of the cage, as some websites say, but is actually trying to join in by expressing its glee that the stupid thing is gone.

Another good thing is that the Daily Mail tagged this as WARNING: BIRD LANGUAGE and actually put ‘bleep’ sounds on every single fuck and fucking that comes out of that cockatoo’s beak.

[link to original video]

bmwiid:

a friend of mine won a raffle at work

her and another boy at work

won tickets for the rugby tonight in the hospitality lounge

she’s just posted a post about how she’s just met met Princess Anne

it made me think of zimbits

  • Bitty won tickets to go to a falcs game in the nice box
  • totally random
  • and he’s DYING
  • because thats ALICIA ZIMMERMAN
  • and he’s with Lardo
  • who is being super chill and keeping him from puking
  • and for some reason, he gets into a heated argument over pie with some celebrity tv chef he dislikes over their insistence that it always has to be the bEST stuff
  • and he’s like
  • screw you, do you know how much it costs? to be good? and get good things? I live in a FRAT HOUSE you pompous ass and I bet I could bake circles around you with one hand tied behind my back AND a murder stop and shop run
  • and Bob is like.
  • this
  • this is the one
  • I want this one.
  • Alicia.
  • Please
  • and shes pepper potts
  • No
  • But Jack will love him, I know it!!
  • No
  • Please!!
  • No.
  • *Don’t even pull that elitist crap with me, I learned how to cook like generation before me at the KNEE OF MY MOTHER and I don’t need to go all the way to FRANCE to know that you don’t freeze the damn butter*
  • Alicia is like… well shit. Bobs got heart eyes, no one is watching the hockey and everyone misses Jack getting the winning goal because Lardo has started filming it
  • so jacks a lil pissed with bitty
  • bitty is soaring on righteous fury
  • Bob is trying to convince Lardo he needs a copy of this video
  • and Alicia is wondering if she can spin this into a cooking show for her new network
  • (she can. Bitty hosts a bargain bin / student budget cooking show that is a HUGE hit because he’s super passive agressive about EVERYTHING he uses)
  • *If, like MOST OF AMERICA you live in a place where hand picked olives from Tuscany are not on sale, then store bought is FINE*
  • 50 uses for hot sauce your housemates got while couponing without your guidance.
  • how to make a three course meal for your girlfriend when you can’t cook and you promised her before checking that the oven was even working CHRIS CHOW, using a toaster, a microwave and an inventive use of the spin setting on your washer.
  • when giant canadian hockey butts slander your FOUR TIME COUNTY FAIR WINNING MAPLE CRUSTED PIES and you have to PROVE THEM WRONG. for beginners!
  • *bright smile*
  • When Hockey Butt uses the last of the milk and you’re about to go live on air.
  • when HB admits that he’s not feeling so great and you need to make your mamma’s chicken soup but can’t afford chicken
  • when you are at your wits end because a cute HB is coming over for dinner and you had class all morning and didn’t have time to prep all the food – meet my sous chef Dex!
  • The meal that I served to HB’s parents! First meeting food for the soul – the budget will shock you!
  • and people are like
  • is this the same HB? who was a dick?
  • and now they are dating?! 

mentallybrokengay:

lostsometime:

penfairy:

mentallybrokengay:

penfairy:

Can I be honest, I think if we went back in time and told that “MYRRH-DER” “*gasp* Judas! No!” joke to a group of medieval peasants they would completely and utterly lose their shit. They would be grabbing each other and crying with laughter. idk I just love the thought of a joke created through a modern, 21st century medium being accessible and enjoyable for devout practising Catholics hundreds of years ago

You’d be burned as a heretic, but sure, imagine they’d laugh.

No, you really wouldn’t.

When I wrote this post I specifically had in mind the liturgical plays enjoyed by medieval folks, especially from the 14th century onwards. These plays were once performed at liturgies, in Latin, under the direction of the priest or bishop, but later became plays that were enjoyed on the village green, recited in English, and performed and produced by players. Gradually, more and more comedic and farcical elements crept into the plays, because that’s what audiences loved and demanded.

They would tell the lives of saints and Bible stories such as the Fall of Man, Noah’s Ark and the Nativity. Because plays were enjoyed at carnivals and because religious spirit and merrymaking aren’t incompatible, certain characters became humorous and stereotyped. For example, Noah’s wife was a shrew who would smack her husband to get him into the ark, Herod was a ludicrous, blustering tyrant and poor old Joseph was particularly derided and used as comic relief, especially in the Nativity plays. Apparently, being cuckolded by God was not the way to appeal to a medieval man, though he would gain respect after the Reformation.

In the context that medieval peasants watched and loved ribald and slightly irreverent liturgical plays, something that would later evolve into the English stage as we know it in Shakespeare, it is entirely accurate and harmless to think that during a Nativity play the last wise man might say “I bring thee myrr…” and after Jospeh has thanked him, he would unmask to reveal his red hair (sorry guys Judas was ginger) and exclaim “MYRR-DRE!” causing Joseph to gasp and cry “JUDAS!! NAY!!” and probably trip over himself falling backwards, to the unparalleled surprise and delight of the devout medieval peasants who, guess what, still have a damn sense of humour.

i read some medieval mystery plays this semester. there’s one where mary, having pregnancy cravings, is like “oh, husband, won’t you go get me some cherries from that tree there?”

and joseph basically says “eh, that tree is really tall and I don’t want to. how about you ask the guy that got you knocked up to get you the cherries?”

and the tree ~miraculously bends down~~ so she can eat them

and joseph is like “well shit”

That moment when your dumb comoment from a week ago gets back around to you with comments that make you feel even dumber.