alphacrone:

jack tends not to get drunk on purpose very often, so when he’s the DD/only sober guy hanging out with the crew, he’s come to notice the weird but distinct drunk personalities of all his friends and has even named them:

• bitty gets 110% more southern and 110% less filtered after a few drinks. he calls everyone out on their shit, dances super provocatively (RIP jack), and uses idioms that literally no one else in the room can understand. jack calls this persona Moomaw, because he’s met the actual Moomaw and the similarities are many and frankly disturbing. bitty hates him a little for it, and withholds kisses until jack stops calling him that. (out loud, that is) 
• lardo remains very much herself – quiet, confident, mysterious – until someone falls over or says something dumb and then she literally Ron Swanson giggles for twelve minutes straight. he calls this the Gigglemonster and Lardo does NOT know about this because she would probably kick him in the shins for it if she did
• ransom’s the rare, lucky Happy Drunk. everything is great all the time and god everyone in this bar is fucking ‘swawsome!!!! what a great night!!! he’s the easiest to corral into jack’s truck after a night of partying. jack calls him Mr. Smiles and ransom is 100% ok with this
• holster’s the opposite, the fucking Mess. he gets into weird arguments with strangers, loses all concept of an inside voice, and serenades literally any girl (or hot guy) if left alone for more than a few minutes. falls down stairs a LOT. has no understanding of personal space or manners. his persona is called Chad because he’s kind of a dick and he resents jack for this more than he hates him for the Cruel Sheep Empire. chad will only listen to mr. smiles, but mr. smiles is easily distracted and not good at telling people off, so it’s usually up to moomaw and then things get dicey. 
• shitty is a Drunk Crier, point blank. cries when he’s happy, cries when he’s sad, cries because jack bought him mcdonalds to shut him up, cries because lardo is the coolest person he’s ever known, cries because of social injustice in the world, cries because bitty snuck individually packaged jello shots into the club in the pockets of jack’s cargo pants – literally he’ll cry for any reason and it happens at least once an outing.  Jack calls him Weepy McGee and shitty rolls with it. 

one day tater will get drinks with jack and the crew and will ask, loudly, why holster is arguing with the bartender over the exact mixture of crap in his long island iced tea and jack will simply answer, “oh, that’s just Chad being Chad,” and all hell will break loose when holster overhears.