Bitty’s Fanclub

fandomstookmylife:

violacakes:

violacakes:

rushingsnowy:

a–mellifera:

airplanesandcookies:

airplanesandcookies:

Based on these tweets:

3/18/2015 12:53:40  That moment when a massive football player corners you in the dining hall to tell you good luck on the playoffs “you guys are champs”
3/18/2015 12:55:45  file under: things 7th grade Eric Bittle would not expect to happen

It is my firm belief that a good number of the Samwell Football Team has a crush on Bitty.  When inevitably a new player falls for our favoritie #15, he has to take a picture with another teammate holding bunny ears behind his head.  

Later in the hockey season when football is over, there is an entire section that is informally reserved for the football players who come to every home game.

Because seriously, the more I think about, I’m even more convinced.

This football player cornered Bitty to congratulate him – Bitty who was complaining that people still don’t realize he plays hockey.

This player knows who Bitty is. Knows that Bitty is a starting player. And as much as we can tell from a tweet, is fanboying all over Bitty.

This is so deliberate!

A bunch of the football players go running regularly. One day in spring, they decide to change up their usual route, and the new one takes them past the Haus. Holster and Bitty are out on the lawn, tossing a beat-up football back and forth, and just as the football players draw up to them Bitty throws an absolute beaut of a pass, just the right amount of spin on it; it soars way past Holster (who’s too busy shouting hot nonsense about how Bitty is full witchcraft to try and catch it anyway). Luckily, one of the football guys (let’s call it the Quarterback cuz lol that’s the only one I know) catches the ball out of sheer reflex, though. Realising what he just saw, he stops dead in the middle of the street, struggling not to let his jaw hit the floor or his dick – well. And Bitty’s just there, in his tiny fucking shorts and a tank top that really covers almost nothing, laughing and chirping and apologising for his massive oaf of a D-man, and that’s how Samwell’s Quarterback falls head over heels in love with Eric R. Bittle.

Except he’d never *say* anything because that Zimmermann guy is a scary motherfucker, watching the whole thing from a deck chair, glaring at QB (let’s call him TJ) so hard that TJ’s surprised he hasn’t caught fire yet.

This becomes so much better when you remember Jack was the one to chase the football team out of the Haus with a fire extinguisher at the previous year’s epikegster and if TJ is the starting QB, he was definitely a part of the team last year.

Ah but for Bitty’s Junior year, Jack isn’t around so much to glare and scare off those lovelorn football players (I strongly believe that TJ isn’t the only one with a crush, it’s definitely a pattern). Bitty gets asked out by more football players this year than in his entire life to date.

“Where were all these strapping, well-built young men when I was single???”

After the 8th one walks away heartbroken, Jack decides that they need to push up the timetable of coming out as a couple.

Georgia: I thought you had a three year plan…

Jack: I need this to happen faster. The football team is very attractive this year, I can’t risk it. One of them might figure out about the ‘ask him to help you bake’ strategy. 

I just had another thought to add to this:

You know how the soccer team are famously the only team gayer than Samwell Men’s Hockey?

Now I’m just imagining the entire soccer team just happening to be “practicing” at exactly the time that Bitty goes for his morning run, and as he goes past they all let out a heavy sigh in unison.

One time Chowder and Farmer were at a party in the soccer house, and spotted a picture of Bitty cut out from the Swallow, decorated with glitter and tiny pie stickers with the inscription “Life Goal #1: Marry A Man Who Can Bake”. There’s list next to it documenting every soccer player who asked Bitty out, with points given for how politely he turned them down.

Farmer discreetly snaps a copy of this on her phone and saves it for the appropriate occasion which, as it turns out is the Zimbits wedding. There are like 7 Best Man speeches, but Chowder’s beats out Shitty’s and Kent’s for applause because he gets to tell the “how the soccer team were all in love with Bitty” story.

Jack immediately asks Lardo to make him a YO MARRY A MAN WHO CAN BAKE t-shirt and she has sketched out the design on a napkin before the cake is even served.

The ten year college reunion is just a crushing affair for every gay man who ever met Eric Bittle.