dajo42:

dajo42:

dajo42:

humans getting a reputation amongst the galaxy for doing totally absurd and reckless things, like making absolutely ridiculous flight paths through asteroid belts, or hitting warp speed for a five mile trip, or devoting 90% of the power of a ship’s onboard computer to their personal laptop so they can torrent abba’s discography, or mixing rocket fuel with mentos to see what happens

and at first other species are like….. okay we’d better not have humans on the crew if they’re this dangerous….. but then when they notice the humans are actually getting a lot more done and advancing super fast because they take such absurd risks “just to see if it works” it becomes commonplace to have a group of at least four humans on every ship in the fleet

no other species previously had a word in their language that equated to “fuck it” but within a century “fuck it” is regarded as an immensely wise proverb

Scenario One

“Now we must be careful as there is still the question of how territorial the wildlife in this area is-“ The jalaxian fleet commander says, standing in front of their crew, ready to lead a slow and calculated expedition through an unexplored forest on an uncharted world.

“SPACE PUPPIES!” The human medic exclaims, barging past, picking up a small tentacled beast. It appears to be friendly, welcoming the contact.

“… Well, I suppose that answers that.”

Scenario Two

Zampushian: “Captain! The space pirates are hot on our tail and with their firepower we could never hope to outrun them! I can send a beacon to the fleet-”

Human: “Nah. It’s cool. Just put all the power to the shields.”

Zampushian: “But Captain-”

Human: “Trust me, dude!”

[The Zampushian transfers all available power to the shield modules. The ship, unable to move now, slows to a halt. The space pirate ship barrels forwards and crashes into the ship, exploding on impact, with no damage to the fleet ship.]

Human: “See? Everything’s chill. Do we have any chips left?”

Scenario Three

An Ungrampish crew member working aboard a multi-species fleet ship goes into the ship’s cargo bay to move some equipment. Tye (that’s the pronoun they use on Ungramp) is greeted by the sight of a human eating an entire Ungrampish chilli pepper, the hottest in the known universe, just to see what happens.

Scenario Two Point Five

Zampushian: “Captain… That shouldn’t have worked.”

Human: “It did, though.”

Zampushian: “I mean scientifically. It shouldn’t have worked. There’s no way the ship could have slowed to a halt like that. There’s no friction in space. That was scientifically impossible.”

Human: “I don’t know, dude. It worked back home with bumper cars and a spaceship is just like a big bumper car. Like, dude, pretty much anything works if you’re just confident it’s gonna.”

[The captain leaves. Probably going to get chips or a really hot pepper.]

Ungrampish Engineer: “That’s either incredibly wise or the most nonsensical bullshit of all time.”

Zampushian: “Either way, it’s human.”

[Everybody on the bridge nods in agreement.]