bittybutt:

urbanhymnal:

bittybutt:

Check Please au where Jack doesn’t drink at Haus parties because the last time he drank with Shitty, they ended up married in Vegas

Shitty would bring it up constantly. “It’s just…*sigh*… the romance was gone, ya know? There I would be, dinner on the table, and all he had time for was practice.” or “My beautiful Canadian ex-husband, now that you have signed, I will be expecting my portion.” or “Gasp! Jack, did you use me to get American citizenship??? I feel so used.” 

Shitty sending him stuff for their wedding anniversary, long after they have graduated and Jack’s teammates are like, “Who are the flowers from?” Jack would just sigh and hang his head: “My ex-husband.” 

Reporters finding out that Jack was married and just having a field day with it. Shitty getting interviewed, wiping away tears as he says that he will always love Jack, but their marriage was doomed from the start because Jack’s heart always belonged to hockey. 

Bitty and Jack finally getting together and Shitty texts Jack late one night. Bitty chirps Jack like crazy, wanting to know if he should be jealous and if he is really over his ex-husband. Shitty sending Jack pics of him “seductively” posing. Bitty’s wide-eyed, trying to look hurt but barely managing to hold back his giggles, “Are you sexting him? Is it the mustache? I’ll try growing one or I’ll get a fake one. Please don’t leave me for that glorious flow.” 

Jack is a very patient, saintly man. 

But he will have his revenge. 

AND WHEN BITTY AND JACK START DATING SHITTY YELLS AT JACK “BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE??? WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS???” AND JACK IS THERE LIKE “WE DID GET MARRIED BUT WE DIDN’T HAVE KIDS” AND SHITTY LOOKS AT JACK WITH THE STRAIGHTEST FACE THAT HE CAN MANAGE AND SAYS“I WANTED TO TELL YOU BEFORE BUT… WE DO HAVE KIDS” AND BITTY GASPS AND JACK JUST WANTS THE DIVORCE ALL OF THE DIVORCES (via @idontreallylikebutterflies)

y’all keep making this better and better I swear