legojacques:

AU where Bitty ends up as the “Bachelor” on a Bachelor-esque dating reality show. He’s not sure how he gets chosen by the network or how someone talked him into it during a moment of weakness, but nonetheless, he’s stuck doing it.

The hockey team as contestants on the show. The show producers choose the unsurprising usual types of contestants that you see on these reality shows because… well, if the formula ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

So, we have:

• The Free Spirited Writer: Derek Nurse
• The One Who Gets  Progressively Angrier with Each Episode: William Pointdexter
• The Shirtless Personal Trainer (Who’s Also Putting Himself Through Law School): Shitty Knight
• The Macho Bro with a Sensitive Side: Adam Birkholtz
• The Pretty Boy/Cocky One: Kent Parson
• The One Who Seems Confident Until They Cut to His “Interview” Scenes and He’s Freaking Out: Justin Oluransi
• The Smart One Who Uses Too Many Confusing Metaphors and Confuses Everyone: John Johnson
• The One Who Seems Normal At First But Then Has a “Secret” That He Comes Clean About in a Later Episode Twist: Whiskey
• The Sweet One That You Know Will Never Work In The End But Audiences Still Cried When He Left: Chris Chow
• The One Who Tries Really Hard to Stay On Even Though It’s Starting to Get Awkward: Tony Tango

Despite freaking out early on, Bitty comes to really enjoy spending time with these guys. The dates, though awkward with a camera following them around, are genuinely fun. Not only that, the contestants themselves are happily surprised when they find they also get along with each other too.

Just a small problem though.

Bitty isn’t interested in any of these guys. In fact, as the season progresses, he starts to fall for the production manager, Jack Zimmermann.

Their relationship had started out rocky, mostly because Bitty thought Jack was an insufferable grump who yelled all the time and Jack thought Bitty was another one of those shallow guys looking for their 15 minutes of fame.

They move past that. Bitty had found Jack sitting by himself and looking sad. It was a rare moment when Bitty wasn’t being followed with a camera. So, Bitty had sat with him and they ended up having a real conversation. They were both surprised by each other which goes to show that first impressions are misleading. 

They fall in love.

It should be wonderful and romantic, but they have to sneak around when Bitty isn’t filming. They hide their relationship because if it gets out, Jack would get fired and Bitty would be in all sorts of trouble for violating his contract. They’ve had a couple of incidents where they’ve almost been caught, but luckily, Lardo, one of the set directors has been covering for them. She walked in on them in a closet, but because Jack is her friend, she hasn’t said anything.

Meanwhile, Bitty’s still going though all the hoops and motions of “dating” all these contestants. It’s going a little too smoothly, and the network scrambles to throw things at them in order to create more competition and “drama”. There’s the group date that ends in a disaster after Will and Derek end up getting in a heated fight. When that isn’t enough, they bring back Kent Parson who was eliminated 4 episodes again just so he can stir shit up amongst the guys.

As they near the finale, Bitty gets increasingly nervous. He’s supposed to pick one of these guys to with on vacation that the network is paying for. Jack, Bitty can tell, is getting increasingly frustrated by not being able to do anything behind the scenes and having to watch Bitty go on all these dates with other guys.

There are arguments between them. Jack is afraid he’s going to lose Bitty as soon as the show is over. Bitty isn’t sure how much longer he can keep up with the pretense.

Finally, it’s down to the final two: Shitty and Adam. They’re the two fan favourites of this season. Bitty has one final rose to give, and he chooses…

…neither of them.

Bitty’s lawyer found a loophole in the contract so Bitty is able to walk out in the end. The fans are in shock and the ratings/publicity for the show goes way up after what happens so the network isn’t too upset with what he did.

Bitty is still friends with most of the contestants from the show and he keeps in contact with them. Jack quits the reality show finds a new job. Bitty gets an offer to do a cooking show. They move in together and they lived happily ever after.

Also, like a year later, they get an invitation to Adam and Justin’s wedding. Two months after that, there’s a second invite to Will and Derek’s wedding. 

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