Lily: Why is James all curled up in a ball in the middle of the common room?
Sirius: Oh Prongs? Yeah, he does that every year. It’s kinda cute, isn’t it? He’s like a little puppy.
Remus: Padfoot, I’m pretty sure he’s having a panic attack. I’ll go over and–
Sirius: Okay, Moony, I get it. You’re a prefect, you like fixing things. But James is a very delicate ecosystem. The Quidditch star, marauder, and genius all balance out to perfect straight-O’s. Mess with one part and you mess with everything. He’s the human equivalent of a coral reef.
Peter: Uh-oh. Someone’s trying to help him.
Sirius: *casting a charm to block the unsuspecting student*
Sirius: HE’S A CORAL REEF!
Remus: *sighs*
Remus: I’ll go apologize…